March 2002

The Vagina Monologues: Owners and Users

The Vagina Owner:

My status as a vagina owner-operator lead me with great interest toward The Vagina Monologues. Not finding any local shows for a while, I bought the book so I could read both the monologues and the story of their evolution. It blew me away. The thought of sitting down to interview women about their vaginas filled me with life and joy. To actually open up a conversation, however, is terrifying. No one can be polite and still talk about vaginas. And when has there ever been a good segue into asking "What were your preteen fears about your vagina?" Well, screw politeness, I say. Vaginas are very interesting parts.

So, when students and faculty from the local art institute performed The Vagina Monologues, I had to go. I had to hear the monologues being performed live. I had to really experience it - in a crowd of people all engrossed in thoughts of vaginas. And I took Grandpa with me. (He may not be an owner, but he is a part-time operator.)

Coming off a very disappointing HBO special non-performance by the author, I lost the belief that vaginas would unfailingly rip any theater apart. But still my hopes were high. My silent readings had been more evocative than Ensler's on HBO; the MICA performers could do the same. And right from the start they blew me away. Women of all types were on stage. From sexy to bookish, overly thin to fully padded, all were there to stand tall as experienced vagina-bearers. And every one of them was fantastic beyond my wildest expectations.

The Vagina Monologues are not just about saying "vagina" or talking about all the clever ways we try to avoid saying vagina - even to our doctor or our lover; they are about living life in a woman's body. They confront the horrors of life for women in war-torn lands: the rape, the fear, the total lack of control. The vaginal shame we are taught from childhood. The common societal attitude that a woman's appearance is an intentional gift to every man who sees her; short skirt = neon sign reading "Hoot and holler, please. Do not raise your eyes above my neckline." The vitality we gain in discovering our vaginas - in finally breaking through the shame. And in finding a partner who loves vaginas shamelessly as well.

Grandpa and I sat together experiencing The Vagina Monologues in all of its humor and its sadness. And when we left, I forced other topics aside. I said no to TV zone-out, no to closing in on myself. I was finally able to tell my vagina's story and I was going to do it. Going back home to talk vagina with Grandpa was the best thing I could have done.

But vagina talk with Grandpa is only the start. The next time I go to a live Vagina performance, I'm inviting everyone in the audience to a wine and cheese party where vagina stories are the cover charge.

The Vagina User:

Unlike many men, I was not apprehensive about seeing the Vagina Monologues. Having read a number of reviews and articles about Eve Ensler's work, I looked forward to seeing it performed live. I knew that the Monologues received praise more for its impact than its content, and because the content is superb, I expected there to be an impact from it in my life.

I have always thought that women were far more interesting than men, biologically speaking. After all, all men experience as they mature is additional hair growth and zits. For a girl, the tell tale sign that she is becoming a woman is her period. In other words, while boys worry about the arrival of their inevitable public hair, girls are preparing to bleed on a monthly basis. Whether it is heavenly punishment or fate, a woman's period effects her more than nearly any other naturally occurring event in her biological life.

I may be oversimplifying things a bit, but I am allowed to because I am a man. I am on the outside looking in.

As Bigfoot stated earlier, seeing the Monologues gently opened a door for a number of conversations about her vagina. We spoke that evening after the show, the next day, the day after and again a week later. We talked about her mother, her friends, and even her. Without reservation, she talked about looking at, touching, and smelling her vagina. She talked about her first period, pads and tampons.

I can only imagine what kind of conversation would have taken place had she seen the show with a group of women, or just one other woman. The vagina is not normal conversation, in or out of the bedroom. You need a context in which to speak about the vagina. Penis' and breasts are all over radio and television. People love to talk about a penis and maybe some boobies, but vagina rarely is mentioned.

Since seeing the show, I cannot shake the idea that this book and performance should be required material for all people. Women should see this with their mothers. Men should take their wives or girlfriends. Women should go with their best friends. Everyone should be reminded that women have vaginas, and that a vagina is a terrible thing to waste. Actually, and more importantly, people must be reminded that each woman is a product of her experiences, and many of the happiest, terrible, joyous and hurtful experiences involve her vagina.