When in Mexico,
stay away from the dog tacos
to avoid the flux.

Don't be such a prick.
Either give me the remote
or you'll face my wrath.

Overweight Hausfrau;
she comes with her own perfume,
and it ain't "Chanel".

Caffeine and sugar
are the building blocks of life,
right after Codeine.

The smartest people
in the world are those who
try not to wear pants.

Mystery lunchmeat
makes one crave quality food.
I think I taste mouse.

Lunchtime adventure
means that your pulled pork sandwich
consists of "pulled pork".

Dirty Christmas terms:
Yule Log, Sugar Plums, Egg Nog,
and Stocking Stuffers.

Saying you're sorry
isn't quite enough after
knocking up a nun. (Eewww...)

He presents the dare:
"Use 'foci' in a sentence,
if you're man enough."

Weeks-old miasma.
Whatever you do, please stay
away from the trunk.

Crushed and fermented
red grapes keep all of us warm.
One more Burgundy?

"Alcohol abuse",
at least when you're in Old Town,
means spilling one's beer.

Spirit it away.
It may not belong to you,
but stealing is good.

Let's be clear; When I
ask for "Barenaked Ladies",
I don't mean the band.

Before pooping, please
say: "I'm dropping the Cosby
kids off at the pool."

Watching football's fun.
They say stuff like, "In the slot",
and "up the middle".

If I was lacking
such delights as Halcion,
I'd be such a dick.

Britney Spears, *N'Sync,
and all the other fuckwads,
must pay for their crimes.

There's no excuse for
bad music, such as the tripe
made by "Backstreet Boys".

New gangsta breakfasts:
Super Sugar Crips, Malcom
Chex, and Froot Hooptys.

Widget in the can;
draft Guinness is much better.
Stout makes me happy.

Ella me besa.
Fue amor? Fue puta!
Cuanto le pago?
Translation:
She kisses me
Was it love? She was a whore!
How much do I pay her?

Shreveport hunters say:
Possum tastes like owl.
It's pretty gamey?

Getting in touch with
my inner alcoholic
is my goal tonight.

Comfortable yet, dear?
The cops will never find us
in the broom closet.

Pass the jelly dong,
quickly! Before it's too late!
Bea Arthur image.

Bouncy bouncy, please!
Shake that backyard, sweet thang.
You're not a cop, right?