Ten proud, tall, white pins.
Banded in crimson they stand
awaiting the ball.
As I hoist aloft
the mighty polyester
sphere, the pins tremble.
Counting the empty
pitchers, I realize how
much beer helps bowlers.
A little-known fact
about beer and bowling is:
they're symbiotic.
The bowling alley;
where the freaks come out to play.
Except you, of course.
The name of his ball
is "El Profe", 'cause he'll teach
you an ass-whoopin'.
"Ramming speed, Skipper!"
is not just a pickup line.
Scream it at the ball.
Balls intermingled
with smoke, beer, and tall white pins.
Bowling's a good drug.
'Round these parts I'm called
"Gutterball Jones", but not for
the reasons you think.
I asked, "How much for
that 'Dreamsicle'? Does it come
with or without nuts?
From then on I was
branded a "chipmunk whacker".
I'll be paroled soon.
I find myself in
the clink with Ernest Borgnine.
I'm now his butt-floss.
He subsists on a
steady diet of gumballs,
Chee-tos and toe-funk.
"Tijuana corndog";
another way of saying
"Chihuahua penis"
"The Sheboygan Clench":
There's no known cure, but you can
rub some cream on it.
I find myself in
the clink with Ernest Borgnine.
I'm now his butt-floss.
He subsists on a
steady diet of gumballs,
Chee-tos and toe-funk.
"Tijuana corndog";
another way of saying
"Chihuahua penis"
"The Sheboygan Clench":
There's no known cure, but you can
rub some cream on it.
I asked, "How much for
that 'Dreamsicle'? Does it come
with or without nuts?
From then on I was
branded a "chipmunk whacker".
I'll be paroled soon.
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Mean Gene's burgers are
the burgers that say, "Bite Me!".
Choke down the goodness.
She put me in a
Figure Four Leg Lock of Love;
Now've got the 'Boston Crabs'.
"Old German Lager";
the beer that keeps on giving
a week afterwards.
Our beer is good for
two things: hallucinating
and keeping us warm.
Never been accused
of traipsing like a cheap whore.
It's more of a prance.
Unbalanced barstool;
it's not good for my drink ass.
'Tis hard to sit straight.
After many years
I shook off the nickname "Pig".
Now I'm called "Drunkard".
I don't give a Damm.
Just give me another Damm
Estrella Damm beer.
I'm sorry sir, but,
Home Depot doesn't carry
dogs or nipple clamps.
A plate of "sheep dip"
is Little Bo Peep's standby.
Try it. It's quite good.
My favorite band:
"Extemporaneous Twat",
they open for "Bruce".
After ingesting
chilidogs, I feel pain in
my duodenum.
He proudly displays
his man-teats as he wears his
"Italian Sportscoat".
Ali signed up for
a full seven rounds with my
uvula. Who'll win?
From now on, call me:
"Doctor Callipygian",
for behold, my ass.
I'm sorry that I was
caught "Doin' Da Butt", because
there were kids around.
When she asked for the
"Jerk Pork Sandwich", they gave her
more than she wanted.
My new hobby is
"Pants Paleontology".
Care if I dig here?
At work they asked me
to shave more often, because
of my 'shrubbery'.
Whether it be called
LAVA or Mount Saint Helens,
pumice fits your needs.
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