Horseflies and seashells
Puking off the balcony
All the cops show up

Use the sunscreen or
pay for it later. Sunburn:
It's blisterlicious

Pull out the Webber
Summer means grilling outside
Fuck carcinogens

You either tan or
you burn. There's no in-between.
Just keep your shirt on.

Take a ride out to
the countryside. Yell at cows.
Hey, it works for me.

Which? Beach or mountains?
Perhaps a more exotic
place... like my trousers.

Grilling in the great
outdoors, or at Rehoboth.
Summer is for rest.

Use your vacation
to get back in touch with your
inner deliquent.

SPF 80?
Just wear a suit head-to-toe
How much is too much?

Ray Bans or Rite Aid?
Choose a pair of sunglasses
like some cat's-eyes shades.

Summer's almost here,
and, no, I don't mean "Donna".
Come and get it, bugs!

As the Brits call it,
folks prepare for "holiday".
Bangkok, here I come!

Splash a little DEET
in my cup of beer. I need
to stop feeding bugs.

Skimpy bikinis
Suntan lotion and towels
Old men in Speedos?

Driving to the beach
Rollicking tunes, no a.c.
Flicking people off

Food for the road trip:
Slim Jims, Doritos, Crunch bars,
and gallons of beer.

If you're not careful,
sand will get everywhere, so
scrub that crack real good.

-Bill Clinton-
Dark days in D.C.
marked Slick Willy's tenure here.
Cigar, anyone?

-Spiro Agnew-
He'll forever be
remembered for his funny
name: Spiro Agnew

-Ben Franklin-
Among other things,
forefather Franklin proposed
turkeys, not eagles.

-Richard Nixon-
Crook or not a crook?
Tricky Dick chose to bow out
of his term early.

-Ronald Reagan-
Hollywood, pomade,
movie actor-turned-El Prez,
Reagan known for, "Well...."

-George Washington-
It's a fallacy:
Washington's "wooden" chompers
were ivory, bone.

-Bill Clinton-
Once, saxin' it up
on late night TV, Clinton's
now looking to host.

-William Howard Taft-
Quick! Get a crowbar!
As soon as Taft stepped in the
tub, his luck ran out.

-Jimmy Carter-
Sure, he toured Cuba.
Sure, he was a Democrat.
Remember Billy?

-Teddy Roosevelt-
Big, bushy moustache
"Charge!", he ordered in San Juan
Cuddly as a bear?

-Jesse Ventura-
He puts the "goober"
in "gubernatorial":
Jesse Ventura

-Hillary Clinton-
The patron saint of
brittle woman lawyers, she's
Senator Clinton.

-Clint Eastwood-
Carmel voters made
his day when they elected
Mayor Clint Eastwood.

-Pat Buchanan-
If Buchanan were
a bird, he'd fly in circles
'cause of his right wings.

-Ben Jones-
From car surgeon to
Congressman, Cooter is still
just a good ol' boy.

-Samuel Adams-
Oft forgotten for
his patriotism, Sam
makes a great beer, eh?

-Al Gore-
Ask Tipper. She knows
where the batteries go in
her robot husband.

-Dan Quayle-
Now, ignore the spud.
Today he touts the Osbournes'
family values?

-Strom Thurmond-
Alive and kicking
Just twelve decades in office
Crank up the O2

-Fred Grandy-
Sadly, a target
Forever labeled "Gopher"
No more "Love Boat", Fred.

-Gerald Ford-
Crash-test dummy Prez
Just can't seem to live it down
Gravity is harsh

-Marion Barry-
Basic hotel room
Cameras, mic's, and agents
What's that on your nose?

-Virtually any Kennedy in politics-
New England compound
America's royalty
Come prepared to drink