Put the Wood in Hollywood

Tonight's main feature:
First Prize, The Throbbie Awards,
Spielberg's "Schindler's Fist"

A sweeping epic
"Lawrence of A Labia"
Hot desert action

Show-stopping acting
Drama, love, bumping uglies
Quentin's "Pump Friction"

College-bound ass fans
Thought-provoking gangbanging
It's "Good Will Humping"

Plenty of nurses
Latex gloves, K-Y Jelly
I love "Snatch Adams"!

Real savage action
"Island of Doctor More Ho's"
Ewwww.... Marlon Brando

Firemen by day
Greased-up chick bangers by night
"Blackshaft", anyone?

An all-Brit affair
"Locks, Cocks and Two Smoking Holes"
Wait, that's not a gun

Oh, please stop, R2!
Check out that guy's lightsaber
"Attack of the Bones"

Shake it, Jessica
Morgan Freeman's not that old
"Riding Miss Daisy"

He said he'd be back
Mowing down all in his path
"The Sperminator"

Not Eddie Murphy
Time for some extra credit
"Slutty Professor"

All meat-eaters here
That's one horny dinosaur
It's "Jurassic Pork"

See his magic wand?
What do they learn at that school?
Watch "Harry Pooter"

War in 'Nam was tough
G.I.'s, grunts all around you
"Full Metal Jack-off"

An African prince
"Cumming in America"
No, Arsenio!

Stuck in 'Nam's jungles
Charlie's a tough nut to crack
Sweaty "Platoontang"

Dynamic Duo
From in front and from behind
"Buttman and Throbbin"

Christ, it's too easy
This film's title needs no change:
"The Banger Sisters"

Transdimensional
Too many John's to count here
"Fuckaroo Banzai"

Mic Check, 5-7-5

A shot to the head
Mr. Anti-Slave himself
Abraham Blingcoln

Father of the U.S.
Powdered wig, ivory teeth
He's George Washblington

Angry colonists
An inbred English monarch
Yo! Bling George the Third!

Blond, British bassist
His real name's Gordon Sumner
Bling, from The Police

The gansta pandas
Black and white gifts from China
Bling Bling and Hsing Hsing

Cross-dressing G.I.
Jamie Farr from Toledo
MASH unit's Blinger

Fesity cheerleaders
The suburbs meet the ghetto
"Bling it on"

Tall, tan, young, lovely
The Girl from Blingpanema
Everyone goes, "Aahhhhh..."