Evil Robots Founder and CEO "Godzilla" is one of today's brightest young executives. Evil Robots, Inc. was originally created as a phony corporation to put on phony corporate stationary to make the "founder" seem much more impressive that he really was. But now "Godzilla" is far more successful than he could have imagined, in that Evil Robots is now a real company that actually does things, every once in a while.

"Godzilla" comes from humble roots. He claims to be made out of bees. He says that many several years ago that he (or as he often says, "we" since "bees" is plural) came to resemble his present self when several thousand bees came together and assumed the shape of a human. This was done in an effort to protect their honey from bears (often done by using a shotgun- as only humans can- or assuming the shape of a giant hammer and pounding the attacking bear into the ground) and to obtain many of the sweet, sweet benefits of humankind, like putting bears into the zoo and buying porn (which normal bees can't do).

In an ironic twist of fate, the human conglomeration of bees later to be know as "Godzilla", the Founder and CEO of Evil Robots, Inc, was raised by bears in the rugged wilderness of British Columbia. The story behind this is an interesting one. When the bees later to be know as "Godzilla" were first learning to be human they were walking in the woods one day when they stumbled upon a family of bears. At first the bees prepared for battle. But this was not needed. The family of bears mistook the bees as a human child, which they naturally assumed was a bear cub, and assimilated the bee-bear-boy into their happy little den. Over time the bees later to be know as "Godzilla" learned to love their new bear family, who were kinder and more caring than your average bear, although obviously not smarter. Years later, after they had moved on, the bees looked back on their bee-bear-boy childhood with much fondness. The bees realized that their bear family would never have stolen their honey. In fact, if the bears had know that they were raising thousands of bees who had assumed a human form, they probably would have stolen honey from other bees and given it to the bees later to be know as "Godzilla". That's the kind of bears these were.

After having spent several well-nurtured years with the family of bears, the bees later to be known as "Godzilla" decided it was time to move on to greater things, like going to college and learning to read, so that they could enjoy the entirety of each and every issue of Penthouse- after all, what good is "Penthouse Forum" if you can't read?

With that the bees later to be known as "Godzilla" left the wilderness of British Columbia and moved to Baltimore, which is why "Godzilla" talks funny sometimes. That, and he's made of bees.

The bees realized that college would be impossible without first learning to read, hence they began a long learning process which primarily involved watching TV day-in and day-out for about 15 years. Figuring that this was equivalent to the American Public Schools Education, they decided it was time to apply to college. The bees were subsequently accepted into one of the most prestigious and difficult liberal arts colleges in the country, tiny St. John's College in Annapolis, MD.

It was at St. John's that the bees learned to fully develop and utilize their collective intelligence. They read and they studied, and occasionally participated in class, hardly ever resorting to their natural honey-defending strategies of pounding people into the ground or otherwise stinging the shit out of them. St. John's College is also where the bees now known as "Godzilla" fell in love with robots all over again- which should not be confused with Jesus Ranch. Jesus Ranch is where they fell in love with a baked potato. And then they started to dance...yeah! In France.

After graduating and getting a neat academic robe and hood (which were later used to watch the teevee in full intelegencia regalia), "Godzilla" realized that tiny St. John's was not the forum that he had needed to deliver the world his genius. So he banded together with group of rag-tag idiots and brought Evil Robots, Inc. to the World Wide Web. Now many more people could here them yell and carry on like big jerks. And they, both the bees and their friends, were happy.

So next time you meet a man who claims to be made out of bees, either say hello to "Godzilla" or email him at godzilla@evilrobots.com so that he may track that bastard down and pound him into the ground like a giant tent stake. There will be no impostors.

END OF LINE