A Valentine’s Day Message from Dr. Sketchy

Women are scared of me, sexually. This is a result of the secret knowledge that women have. You see, the have every right to be scared of me sexually. I am powerful, in a purely sexual way.

The part about this that is amazing to me is that women can sense it – within moments. I do not let on about my powers. I do not smell of exotic oils that bring women to a sexual frenzy. I deliberately move as if I were unsure of myself. I study those who are not as sexually powerful. I hide the fact that I have brought women to places they never thought they could go with a well placed swivel of my unassuming hips. I speak in broken sentences, even though recordings of my reading of poetry are often played on the sets of porn movies to move the actresses to satisfaction – this is the satisfaction that sells movies, not the mechanical sex performed on the screen. The reading is of a poem that is not inherently sexual – like Casey at the Bat.

I do not touch the women. If I did, my powers would be all too apparent. If I did there would be no mystery. The only mystery that could exist would be if they did not sense it.

Even a dead lesbian would sense my power, if I touched her.

No, the mystery is that even with these artifices – they know (all women, not just dead lesbians). For some reason they know. This is, as you can guess, bad for me. They are scared of my sexual power. They are afraid of what it can do to them. The fear that they will lose all interest in the rest of the world. They are afraid that my sexual power will be more addictive than heroin. Women don’t stop having sex with me because they want to, women stop having sex with me because they enter treatment programs. So it is understandable that once they sense my sexual powers, they flee from it – as one shields one’s eyes from the power of the sun, or a nuclear bomb (it has been proposed that they change the measure of nuclear explosions from megatons of TNT to thousandths of my sexual power).

But, how do they know. Oh, they know alright. They know and they avoid it. Let me demonstrate, tonight, before I started to write I went to the grocery store. I bought some eggs, for even a man with my sexual power can run out of eggs. I started talking to the checkout girl. Within moments of the purely non-sexual conversation I mentioned earlier, the woman mentioned her boyfriend. There was no reason to mention this to me – unless she feared my sexual power, as she must.

This is not the first time that this has happened either. The receptionist at the doctor’s office mentioned her fiancée after 30 seconds of medical (not of a sexual nature). This has happened too many times for me to relate them all. And then there’s the women who insist that they are just not interested, or that I’m not their time. These are obviously lies. They are afraid.

They are only hurting themselves.