April 2002

Keeping me Sane
On-Line Comics

Before I begin, I wanted to show you all a pic of me with my family at Christmas, 1980. I guess my father took this picture. My mother, obviously, was still resting after giving birth to four kids. My dad was free to take pics of us for mother to look at when she was strong enough to open her eyes.

I blocked out the faces to protect my siblings' privacy. I left my face unblocked because I am still pursuing a career as a child actor. (If you are looking for a kid to act in cereal commercials or the next movie of the week, e-mail me at grandpa@evilrobots.com)

The Real Article:

You don't have to have known me for too long to know that I am pretty slow. I may appear quick witted once a month in this here magazine, but I have a very, very good editor. Understand this, I grew up in a small town and read a small town paper. This paper, the Daily Gazette (I delivered it, also) was filled with stories from the AP and UPI and those by their two reporters. But the nuts and bolts of the paper are not important, for the journalism itself did not weaken my mind. The comics did.

Christ Almighty! The Daily Gazette had, and still has, the worst comics. Gasoline Alley, Rose is Rose and the Baby Blues! Spiderman, Marmaduke AND Rex Morgan, MD. Utter trash. Sure, we had Calvin, Bloom County and the Far Side, but that was not enough to save my mind from becoming mush. I was 10 and I had no taste.

But when I attended College, I read the Washington Post. The Post has three pages of the funnies, many of which I got back home, but by reading them, I developed not only a hatred for many comics, but a passionate love for a select few.

On a daily basis, I read only three comics in the newspaper: Mark Trail, Zippy the Pinhead, and The Boondocks. Occasionally, Godzilla will ask me to read the Family Circus, but I never read one of those comics unprovoked.

The problem with your daily newspaper's comics is that they have very little room for growth, and because of that, fester on the page every day. That is the problem with the newspaper as a medium, anyway. People want their news delivered in a very specific way. National/Editorial Section, Local News, Sports, Living, and Business. The format makes sense, and there is no need to change it, but comics, being art, need room to grow, and that they do not have.

Combine the decrease of space with the public's pathetic need to see the same lame jokes recycled every six months in the same boring way and you have the modern comics page. Tell me why Cathy, Garfield, Peanuts, Beetle Bailey, and Ziggy need to be in the daily paper? What is the deal with Rex Morgan, MD? Does the general public so desire repetition that they would sacrifice evolution for devolution. Sadly, the answer is yes.

However, recently, I have become a regular reader of a few very good on-line comics, Explodingdog, Diesel Sweeties, and the Makeshift Miracle to name a few. As you would expect, the internet is flooded with would-be Bill Griffiths writing funny, obscene, and thought provoking comics. Indeed, comic writing is an art, and thriving on the internet.

I know what you are saying, "No shit, Grandpa! Did you know that you can send e-mail on the internet, too?" And like, I'm saying, "Screw you. I am trying to make a point here! Anyway, my mom is the only person who reads my stuff! I am trying to educate her. Stop being such a jerk." Then you are totally saying, "I don't care, you are still a tool. The internet is dead already. I am going old-school now. Do you want my new 'zine? I printed it a Kinkos!"

Well, that conversation is getting me no-where. What I am trying to say is that, while the NYTimes would like you to believe that people are losing interest in the internet, there still remains a dedicated army of people who add daily content into the digital world only for the sake of the content itself.

On a daily basis, I am amazed at the depth and creativity of some of my favorite artists. Of course, what would you expect, knowing the vacuum of the daily funny pages.

Many of these sites, like Diesel Sweeties, have a large (for the net) following. And all of these sites link their readers to dozens of other sites they would have otherwise never found. One could spend hours hopping from one site to the next finding all kinds of nonsense (Lego Porn, Red Robots attacking people at the Grocery Store, and much more.)

There are sites that catalogue comics, and one, Modern Tales, that sells a subscription to read a few of the best comics available. Many of the sites offer tee-shirts, stickers, and even books based on their on-line content.

I have been reading comics on-line for about a year. What amazes me is that I know almost no one who has ever e-mailed or told me about a comic they like. People from Australia to Israel have forwarded me jokes and chain letters, but no funnies. Godzilla is the only person that I can remember sharing comics with.

I suppose the reason is that I work in an office filled with people rooted in worlds foreign to me. They, for the most part, are not the type to say, "You should read (insert on-line comic)! They swear and have lesbian sex talk." These are people who laugh nervously when I tell them that I read "Savage Love" in the Baltimore City Paper before I read anything else. I would estimate that I am about three years behind the times when it comes to on-line comics.

But this article has gone on for too long. I should get to the meat of the subject - what you should be reading on a daily basis. Here goes:

1. My New Fighting Technique is Unstoppable - www.mnftiu.cc - This comic, which uses clip-art images with artist-inserted text, is, pound-for-pound, the funniest comic I have ever read. There is no character development, there is only wickedly funny commentary, and boatloads of great swearing! It is as if this guy has a doctorate in cursing, and is publishing his thesis bit by bit on the site. The series, "Get Your War On", has the best commentary on our war in Afghanistan.

2. Explodingdog - www.explodingdog.com/ - This is my favorite non-comic. The author, Sam Brown, draws pictures based on the submissions from readers. The titles range from "stand shadowless like silence" to "I love bright colors!" The characters are stick figures, and the artwork is deceptively simple. Mr. Brown, however, uses subtlety to give the characters emotion where others may have given them banality. This site also has links to a number of terrific artists on the web who operate sites much like he does: simple and uncommercial.

3. Diesel Sweeties - www.dieselsweeties.com/ - I read this every morning - no exceptions! It is about an innocent robot, Clango Cyclotron, and his journey through the world of humans. He is dating a former porn-star named Maura. This is a four panel comic. I love comics that abuse the classic format. Clango looks kind of like Bender from Futurama, but was created long before Bender, and does not steal.

4. The Makeshift Miracle - makeshiftmiracle.comics2u.com/ - Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I read this right after DS - no exceptions! MM is the story of Colby Reynolds, a regular kid who has an extraordinary adventure. This is closer to being a graphic novel than a comic, so it should not count, but I don't care. I found the site through DS (where else?) and fell in love at first site.

That is a short list, but from those sites you can find dozens of great comics and fringe-art to fill your thirst for independent creations. But beware, just as you would find among indy music people, there is a self-righteousness that permeates some sites. But don't worry, unlike the music scene, you don't have to worry about meeting some of the less tolerable people. This is the internet - you don't have to talk with no body!