Febraury 2001

Rambling Incoherently
Can it make a difference?

I'm not sure at this point what this title means, but I like the two words "rambling" and "incoherent". Speaking of which, many of my friends and associates have probably heard my ever-growing list of "words that make me laugh like a lunatic". For those of you who have not, I will provide the aforementioned list later on. I tend to ramble profusely when something (A) is bothering me, (B) makes me nervous, or (C) I have nothing more enlightening to say at the time. Rambling (also known as, in Mexican Spanish, "cantinfleando" after the famous Mexican comedic actor named "Cantinflas"- that's a little culture for you. You're welcome.) can be perceived as an art (accidental or intentional), as a personality quirk (guilty as charged!), or as bothersome and annoying (guilty as charged!). I may lose my train of thought several dozen times a day, and, so, I am a decent breeding (funny word #12) ground for rambling. I'll often latch onto a thought, idea, mental picture (usually one of the "Golden Girls"), or saying, and that will just about "dick"tate how my mood and/or productivity progresses for any given day.

I've been accused of getting snooty with others as they ramble, and for that, I pube"lick"ly apologize to all whom I have offended. At those times, I was probably mulling over some profound piece in my head (capacity: about a pint and a half). In any event, this habit of mine usually gets in the way of my ability to truly be of any service to humankind. Oh well. We can't all be "Matlock". So, without further ado, I propose the following (and omni-amended) list of words (and a brief commentary) that make me guffaw with glee, chuckle like a chimp (!), and "tit"ter tremendously (!!). They are in no particular order, but the first three hold a special place in my heart. That might explain the arterial blockage that my doctor often refers to. Of course, the last time I visited him in his "office" (an '87 Ford Aerostar with duct-tape on the windows), he also recommended animal sacrifice ("Squirrels [#18] work really well.", said he.) to cure what ails me. Any takers?

moist-coupled with the next two words, I can easily be rendered comatose.

monkey-heh heh. Not only a funny word, but a brilliant species.

pants-the root word of many great spinoffs, like "pantsed", "pantsless", "pantywaist", "panties", "pants-pony", and "Worldwide Pants"; even by itself, it's devastating.

• smock-I'll often say this word aloud just to hear it… in rapid succession.
  
• manties-a contraction of sorts, "Male pANTIES" are worn by professional wrestlers.
  
• glockenspiel-this word begs to said aloud. However, if you put me in a room full of musical instruments, I couldn't identify this one to save my life.
  
• ferret/weasel-I use both words for this animal (but NOT "ermine") because they are intrinsically funny. These can be used liberally with "pants" to produce some excellent results.
  
• squeegee-onomatopeia is so refreshing, especially in the commercial world.
  
• nougat-I don't know the origin of this word, so I'm still unsure if it belongs in food products.
  
• miasma-not used often enough, I fear, but creates a great image.
  
• chamois-ah, the Francophones….
  
• breeding-a fine word, and an even finer profession.
  
• croup/dropsy-these entries actually apply to any long-gone ailment that received such labels.
  
• chimichanga-as far as I know, this really isn't a Spanish word. It sure is a hoot to yell it, though.
  
• sasquatch-or, my Aunt Phyllis.
  
• gubernatorial-if I were to run for governor, my campaign slogan would be, " I'll put the 'goober' in 'gubernatorial.'"
  
• Uranus-I know this is juvenile, but, hey, it's still hard to say with a straight face.
  
• squirrel-a handy phrase (or, pick-up line) in Spanish revolves around this word. (Hay una familia de ardillas en mis pantalones.)

I urge you to create your own list of words/phrases/names of celebrities that make you chortle. This is just my own small compilation. Just don't use it for evil. That's our racket.