February 2002

Always a Word From Our Sponsors…

A few weeks back I decided my life would be better without TV. If Grandpa weren't an established TV critic, I'd have shut off the cable service in a second. I came to my senses and realized that I can't take away his career just because the Law & Order trio is getting tired. But now that February's laziness has set in, my dedication to TV-free living is gone and my eyes are glazed over in its general direction. To add an air of discipline to my sofa time, however, I've decided to conduct a scientific analysis of the ads. The results are astounding.

TV is nearly all ads. My science says precisely 87.9%. 100% if you consider shows like Friends to be merely a constant ad for themselves, or perhaps a more insidious "lifestyle" ad. Even TV journalism is mostly advertising. Talk shows and entertainment news are all product promotion. But what about your nightly news and round-the-clock news stations like CNN, FoxNews, and the gang? Come on! Have you been watching them at all lately? It's easy enough to see the promo value of their Health Reports, usually paid for by some pharmaceutical company, but the national & international news coverage is no better. What on earth is FoxNews today if not a long advertisement for America's "War on Terrorism"? Remote controls have made us much more likely to skip the obvious Crest, Pizza Hut P'Zone, and assorted car ads, so the sponsors came up with the show-mercial instead.

TV Sports coverage is heavily into it. Watching the Super Bowl for the ads is pretty accepted entertainment so no one's that surprised when Bud Light and Monster.com are hawking their goods. Some viewers even watch and rate them. But between the commercial breaks had nearly as much advertising, from framing ads as the show goes in & out of commercial to product placement and sponsored gametime. We're hit by double ads like the E*Trade slogan being read by the announcer while triumphant game music is still in the background, only to fade into another E*Trade commercial at the start of the break.. Motorola in huge writing on everyone's headset. TV Sports are full of "Mr. Sparkle's Play of the Game!", "Chevrolet's Great Moments", and "EvilRobots.com Half Time Show". Every event that can be bought has been & they never let us forget it. If anyone asks me who played in the Super Bowl this year, it was the Adidas Patriots and the Reebok Rams. Just look at their uniforms for the proof. And don't even mention the Nike Olympics! Is child labor part of the Olympic spirit?

It's not all bad though. Watching the overly endorsed world gets pretty fun when you spot your chance to give a little love right back. First Union paid for the privilege of getting their name on a stadium in Philly -- the FU Center. And I'm still mourning the loss of the PissInIt Stadium in Baltimore; why o why did we let PSINet fold? I wish they'd just let arenas be named after something that matters - the team, local history, or a legendary champion. As long as every arena, event, and player has a proud sponsor, I'm hoping for more FU Centers.