February 2002

The Washington Post is a Bunch of Crooks

Those thievin' bastards from the Washington Post have done it again -not content to never print my letters of indignation in their editorial section, they have resorted to stealing my ideas. Fuckers.

See, I was sitting in my favorite deli (not delly like that jackass joint in Annapolis, MD) one morning enjoying a cup of coffee and a bagel (which I get to do every day, cause I still gots job) not too long ago, when news of heinous crimes were flooding the airwaves. Murder for hire here; voodoo black-widow killings there, insanity everywhere. It seems that Monkey County was being plagued by various insane crimes usually reserved for the good ol' District of Columbia.

Not one to normally put two and two together, for once I did! This was a fucking crime wave. So I gets a ranting about these insane events to anyone who will listen, next thing you know, the Post has a fucking article about it in their Style section. I swear someone in there heard my idea and ran with it. Which I appreciate, because it was a helluv an idea, if I do say so myself. But still, I should be gettin' paid for my ideas, not some no talent hack who simply hangs out in my deli stealing my ideas.

And the shit is fucked up too. First there is this pair of friends, one of whom works for the state department-THE US STATE DEPARTMENT! And she is accused of breaking into the home of her friend's estranged husband and shooting him in the leg, nearly killing him. In front of her two kids. This is the type of person we let represent our country around the world? Fuck me!

Second, there are multiple charges filed against a woman who has killed two of her 'love' interests over the past years. Then she collects the insurance she bought on them. Often using it to buy a new house which she occupies with her new 'love' or victim…Then, to insure silence, she dabbles in voodoo, and has placed curses on people to keep them silent.

Of course there is more. Even stuff the post missed. Sure they got the Shinbein murder case, the Mike Tyson traffic-stop-dust-up. But what about the fightin' and the feudin'? All those crazy rich bastards who have enough money to sue neighbors and pave over rose bushes or block alley access? That didn't turn up in the Post story…

See they should have let me write it. Obviously, it would have been better, and the post can always stand to get better.