June 2001

SPACE LASERS?

Bush is at it again. He wants space lasers. The idea of giant lasers in space is cool. I will grant him that. But he wants them to shoot down missiles and even other satellites. This will not work and the pentagon has admitted as much. I cannot believe that the pentagon said that it might not work, yet they want to waste some money and build it anyway. I swear they just don't care about national defense any more. What I really want to know is this- just exactly who the hell are we protecting ourselves against?

Is it the Chinese? No, they're to busy running people over with tanks.

Is it the Russians? No, they barely have enough money to throw rocks at us.

Is it the British? No, they know that we kicked there asses before and they know that we can do it again.

It can't be the French either. They just suck in general.

My gut says that the Pentagon is trying to defend themselves against beings that we don't even know about yet. The Pentagon is trying to start Cold War part Deux with aliens. The thing is, we don't even know if they exist. I can see the press conference know. "We must defend ourselves against all forms of attack; foreign, domestic, and intergalactic."

I know the secrets of their plan. They cannot fool me. They want to blow things up in outer space with giant lasers. This would be cool if they planned to carve the initials "USA" into other planets ala The Tick. But no, they want to blow up UFOs. Thank you Donald Rumsfield for saving the human race from becoming intergalactic bitches!

This is load of crap. Little do we know that they are planning to blow up the Battle Star Galactica. Poor Apollo. Poor Starbuck. Save us, Adama!