June 2003

I Give In, and Love the Segway

I'm a hater. Hatin' on something nearly every day. Now I been hatin' the Segway for about as long as its been around. As soon as I found out that I wouldn't be able to afford it, being as it costs um, $5000. That's just too much loot for adevicethatwillchangetheworld or whatever they were calling it. Codenamed crackpot.

So now these fools got em in DC, and they ride around like fucking kings and all. Silent chariots. And the damn fools got legislation passed that allows them on sidewalks. They go 12 mph - on a sidewalk? That's just nuts. Some damnfool segwaist could run my ass over all silent like. So yeh, I'm hatin' the segway. It can kiss my ass, along with that ramen guy who invented it. Use your powers for good, not evil asshole. Damn.

But then I see that 4-photo montage of the Segway tryin' to take out Prezzie Bush. Well shit, I can't hate on that. I mean, it's a felony for me to say that I want to kill the president, I certainly don't want that, but if a segway did it, hmmmm. I would have to go out and buy one. I'd probably have to float a new credit card for it, but if segway kills the prezzie, I'm buyin. I would even get me a custom flame jobbie on that badboy…for cruising the mean sidewalks of DC at 12mph. That's fast, dude!