January 2004

Making Up for Wasted Time

Television commercials speak loudly about what kind of people we are as Americans. Our tastes and desires are reflected in what is offered to us every day. Everything is tastier than the last, and every deal is a once in a lifetime.

Commercials generate an artificial demand for products. Their ethos is inspiring action in us, an action to be realized AFTER we are finished sitting on the couch. Don't believe us? Spend a week watching your regular shows, and pay close attention to the commercials. A month later, make the same observations. You will see that themes are changed, segments shortened, and actors disappeared. Keep watching long enough, and you'll see more patterns.

One of the most striking patterns can be found in the 30-minute weight-loss infomercials. Infomercials, as you know, sell the "too-good-to-be-true" items at rock-bottom prices in a fast paced, exciting format. Ultimate blenders, real estate sales, motivational tapes, and diet plans saturate the empty hours on nearly all television stations.

The weight-loss snake oil infomercials are most telling about what Americans want out of life. Year after year, new diets and weight-loss programs are produced, each one claiming to be better than all the rest. We've seen them all: High protein diet, 15-minute kick-boxing with a robot, carb-blocking pills, and the yelling guy with the ponytail who we think visits you in your dreams and frightens off the pounds. They all promise a fast, easy way to keep the weight down. The desire to lose weight and stay fit is fine, and should be the goal of every person concerned about his or her health. We have no quarrels with the demand, but the added bonus in each and every plan is the tell.

To the last, these diet and weight-loss plans promise you a special bonus, a 1/2/4 week starter plan, a "burn the Fat Quick" system to get you started on the road to thinness. Want to drop those first 10 or 15 in two weeks? It's just that easy, they say. It's unique, they say.

Get up from your couches and take a look at the diet books as well. Take a look at the diets advertised on the internet banner ads. They all have the same "Lose weight fast" feature. Why should that be so? Should those esteemed MD's be encouraging people to lose weight slowly over a long period of time? Not if they want to make money, they shouldn't! We consumers want to lose the extra pounds now, not later. Who has time for that, anyway?

Going to the beach next month? Time to put in the kung-fu tape!

Eat too much over the holidays, fatty? Break out the low-carb induction!

Yes, you too can eat like a pig for months at a time because all is well. You have dozens of choices. What exists is an illusion that the diet can be your penance for months or years of gluttony and other varieties of neglect. The illusion is most striking. Everyone will tell you that a sensible diet with regular exercise is desirable, but no one on tee-vee is trying to sell that.

Is that, after all, so strange? How would the advertisers know that people prefer neglecting what is good so long as they know there is a way to make up it all every so often? Frankly, we're surprised these programs aren't sponsored by McDonald's. Binge and diet, binge and diet. Mmmm...Then we start thinking about Christmas, and Mother's Day.

How different is the lose-15-in-two-weeks plan different from the Hallmark card and gift certificate you give to Mom every year? Sure, she'd love that kind of attention on random days, but why bother when she has a day to herself, right? Now you can be a dick most of the year as long as you atone one Sunday in May. And how different is spending money you don't necessarily have on each of your siblings and other family one day a year from that "Burn 2lbs a Day" tape you break out twice a year? Not much when you think about it.

It's the American way. Why be kind all year long when you have a few days every year set aside for it? Likewise, why take care of yourself in a daily, healthy way when you can just go on a shock diet after eating two turkeys and a ham in five weeks?

We could draw conclusions comparing the American approach to sharing appreciation to friends and family, dieting, and aspects of corporate finance, White House monetary Policy, or whatever. All that would be reaching and unnecessary. It would also deaden our point- that America takes a broom to all it's problems instead of actually solving them. Godzilla would like to blame the Baby Boomers for this, but frankly this "solution" has been around a long time. Look at how much of the "Greatest Generation" wanted to deal with civil rights- separate lunch counters for all!

But back to the issue at hand- the over-hyped, guilt heavy machinations of our sub-conscious and corporate advertising make a mockery of our collective intelligence. Dieting and Mother's Day should be a year-round activity, not forced and empty.