Summer 2004

Let Hope Trump Cynicism

As it turns out, John Kerry is not a total moron. This month, Kerry asked John Edwards to be his running mate. Very good choice, and one that scares the Bush administration.

Scares the Bushistas? You don't believe us? Well, then explain why Tom Ridge, on the day following the Edwards announcement, made the papers by saying that the USofA is going to be attacked by the terrorists. He did not say who or where or how, but stressed that we were in danger. You'd think that an announcement that said NOTHING could wait, but not this year. Every announcement needs context.

Do you think that the terror alert may have been more that an attempt to steal headlines from Kerry? Really, we're not kidding. By now it's a fairly well established and disgustingly cynical tactic of this administration- they don't even need to say anything substantive, they just yell "BOO, terrorists!" anytime they want to draw attention away from something they don't like. Since Bush could not stand at a podium and say "Major combat operations in the War on Terror are over!" he did something easier: Tom Ridge came out and said "The terrorists want to attack us in a super bad way! However, they don't know who they'll ask to do it, what they'll do it with, or where there volunteers will do it. Right now, we've got nothing to worry about, but if they ever get their shit back together, we're getting our comeuppance."

And then, as an extra bonus, there was talk of postponing the election, which as anybody who understands the law, is not an action the Federal Government is not permitted to take under the Constitution since elections are SPECICALLY the domain of the states. Remember states rights, the once most sacred issue of the GOP?

Being ever cautious, Bush did not stop with the terror alert. The week after the dynamic duo joined forces to win the November election, Bush called for a Constitutional Amendment to prevent the gays from getting married to each other for all time until Jesus comes back to make them gnash their teeth. Getting a new amendment passed is difficult, but it makes for great distraction. Instead of the heads talking about Kerry Edwards, they argued about the demise of marriage and the need to protect it from gay people (who, unlike the terrorists, have declared their specific intentions - Paul and Steve, with a Unitarian minister, on the courthouse steps.) An amendment to the Constitution would end Paul and Steve, and Ellen and Joyce's dreams of demolishing the heterosexual nuclear family.

Ah, a classic wedge issue. And this one is particularly delicious, as the Bush Administration uses the cover of a divisive social issue to prevent his "base" from caring about their jobs being lost at an alarming rate. WAKE UP, OHIO! The Senate did not advance the proposed Amendment, but Bush succeeded in advancing the culture war one step farther. Voters and donors in Nebraska, Texas and Alabama got the message. While George cannot help protect anyone in the USofA from the scourge of homos with registries, he tried, which makes him kinda like Jesus, you know.

All this was in reaction to Kerry picking Edwards. Edwards makes Kerry look smarter, more energetic, and progressive to the general public. At this point, with the 9-11 Commission report coming out,
Farenheit 9-11" ripping through the country, and the liberation of Iraq becoming more of a myth every day, George Bush and Co. are not looking smarter or energetic to the general public. Times like these call for the unleashing of boogie men - Osama and the homos. Those guys don't get dragged out for nothing. They get dragged out when Bush needs cover. We think it's shamefully cynical and calculated and we think it's shameful that people fall for it. C'mon, WAKE UP, OHIO! Seriously, gay people aren't going to take your jobs and you don't have to watch them kiss. Get over it and realize that feeding your family than freaking out about dudes kissing.

John Kerry's campaign, until now, has been made up of a series of "I'm not just the Other Guy, I'm NOT George Bush" speeches and commercials. Because he does not bring much in the way of excitement or imagination to the ticket, he's been feeding on GWB's day-by-day declining approval ratings to grow his base of support. Now, with John Edwards, the Kerry campaign is different. Frankly, we think it's a good strategy. Let Bush be his downfall. Let America see how terrible he his. Let America get disgusted with his constant attack campaigning. Spare America from 6 months of divisive campaigning that would only serve to turn us off. Then, at the Convention, with 3 months to go, come out with energy and hope and let it serve as further contrast to Bush's ugly, disingenuous behavior.

John Edwards is the eggs in your omelet, the chocolate chips in your cookies, the starch in you collar. During the primary season, it was John Edwards' call for new economic reforms that Howard Dean and Kerry stole for their own speeches. With the John Edwards message, optimism and energy, the Kerry campaign will plough through the summer, eating away at Bush's lead. While John Kerry bores donors and choir members to tears with his boringness, Edwards will be stumping across the country giving people a reason to believe in John Kerry's vision, which is otherwise blurred by snoring and other sleep-related distractions.

We think John Edwards' passion and flare is the perfect counter to Kerry's serious air of intelligence. With Kerry's long history of public service, we know he knows what he's doing. Edwards is the perfect newcomer, bringing the flaming progressive idealism that this country needs so badly.

Dick Cheney is not going to attract the number of undecided voters John Edwards can. John's natural advantage is summed up in the "You catch more fly's with honey" principle. Dick has the "Vote for me or I'll go back to private industry, steal your land and you dignity, and no one can stop me!" thing going, which is good, but it's not going to make the difference in a close race.

George Bush makes jokes and likes to talk tough about wars, Dick curses at people and hides for months at a time. That's their story, in a nutshell. That combination sits well with Republicans because they settled in 2000 to have the "Win not with Jesus" candidate (Bush) instead of the "challenging convention" candidate (McCain.) The Bush ticket did well against Gore's because Gore was a terrible candidate with a V-P only Republicans could love. This time, the tables are turned. Kerry-Edwards is the symbol of change, and thoughtful decision making.

But of course, keep an eye out for more Terror and Homo Alerts in the coming months.