October 2004

The Importance of Hall & Oates, or We Are Old

We don't read Newsweek, Time, or that piece of shit mag US News and World Report. If we did, we'd know what divides Generation X and Y. Some people say it's a specific year (born before/after 1975), but that's a poor distinction. We tend to think that the real dividing lines between generations are the "Pop and Folk" sensibilities of their age. It's not about where you were - it's what you saw that
sets you apart.

Before Justy disappeared, he suggested that the dividing line for the latest generations is experiencing Hall and Oats. We mostly agree with him, but there's more to that divide than that. Godzilla insists Atari plays a significant roll in it as well.

"Pop and Folk" sensibilities, as far as we're concerned, are version of cultural memes (ex., GW's pronunciation of 'nuclear.') They are the end result of common experiences and influences of a certain time or location. On account of the expansive size of the United States, and the diversity of the population, the binding sensibilities come from overreaching cultural forces, namely Tee-vee - Cable Tee-vee. On the other hand, Godzilla refuses to be within 6 feet of the word "meme" and is going to slap Grandpa as hard as he can next time he sees him. Rings on. Oh boy, is it going to hurt.

For anyone who comprehended what they watched on television after 1987, Hall and Oats does not compute ("I saw them on 'I Love the 80's', didn't I?") If you meet someone who is near or just past their 21st birthday, the lyrics from the song "Maneater" produce nothing but blinks. Cold stares. It may be that knowing of and remembering Hall and Oats divides us people (most of the Evil Robots staff, that is) and those who belong to the next generation. And certainly, how can we possibly relate to people who look at you like you're crazy when you tell them that Hall & Oates' "I Can't Go For That" is an 80's pop version of Gothe's "Faust"?

The "I Love the…" shows, along with the plethora of other kitschy memory shows on tee-vee blur that line a but, unfortunately. Kids remember things like The Running Man (the dance move) and The Running Man (the movie) as off vestiges of days gone by, as things to be mocked. (Listen you little trucker cap wearing buttholes, when we said that there's no way KITT could be taken out by Air Wolf, we weren't be ironic. We meant it. And you CAN'T understand it.)This creates a real problem when trying to understand the sensibilities of the new generation. Like us, they are endowed with a draft-less youth, and they get five to eight years in which they can wallow in self-pity before becoming productive member of society (this is also known as the Holden Caulfield Trust, which encourages young males to resent society.) This only stresses the importance of the Hall and Oats Test.

With popular culture's attempt to blur the memories of millions into one bland cultural landscape, it's critical preserve milestones that demark each individuals place in society. Hall and Oats work well because they changed from television fixtures to historical objects in a short period of time. The likes of Cindy Lauper and Milli Vanilli faded as well, but they remained as punch lines in the public consciousness for many years. What's more, MTV stopped lovin' those crazy white guys and their sweet soul music. And we're serious when we say we like Hall & Oates. It took us a few years to realize this. But we fully accept it now. And if you don't like it you can come over here and get hit in the head with a hammer- and if you say one thing about Magnum PI sucking or Pokemon not being stupid and insane, you'll get the claw side.

Other possible divisions between the generations may be:

• Swivel-arm battle grip
• Muscles
• Unscented stickers
• Having heard The Clash on the radio and it not being on a retro set or in college
• Journey/Foreigner
• Jams
• Bon Jovi's hit song, "Runaway"
• Wide concave skateboards vs. faggy skinny skateboards
• CB Radios being awesome

When the time comes, and you know that it will, such ideas will determine who is elected to high office, sells more candy and gets laid more often.