|
The truth behind
cheese and the space program
I have put two and two together. It equals cheez. Not dairy cheese,
but the mushy orange stuff. The good stuff. I have done some thinking.
This thinking has resulted in both revealing the mysteries of cheez,
as well as discovering the motives of the space program.
Let’s start at the beginning. The basis of this treatise is
that cheez is from outer space. This is self-evident. Cheez is a
little-known and somewhat unstable naturally occurring element called
Cheezium (denoted in with the symbol CZ). Cheezium is a rare element
here on earth, but it is abundant in space, particularly in the
asteroid belt. It has only been introduce to earth by infrequent
meteor impacts.
Now that this is clearly understood, let us further examine the
implications of this ground breaking revelation. First thing’s
first, we must recognize that dairy "cheese" is a man-made
imitation of the natural yello stuff that fell from heaven too infrequently
to satiate the appetite of early man. Humanity devised many ways
of approximating the taste and consistency of cheez, but all of
them have fallen short. For eons mankind has had to survive with
only the lame renditions of cheez such as swiss, provolone, and
mozzarella. While these may have some merits, they pale in comparison
to the heavenly space cheez. The original. The natural one.
So now you realize how deprived mankind has been for centuries.
We couldn’t get at what we really wanted, so we made bad imitations.
But then something happened: Science. Towards the beginning of the
20th Century humanity began developing notions that space
was no longer off limits- and certainly not unknowable. Research
was done. Plotting. Most of the true intentions were kept on the
down low. Very hush-hush. Why is this? Well, let’s just say
that certain parties saw the wealth of taste waiting for them at
various orbital trajectories.
But mining cheez in outer space is not so easy.
These interests- a combination of government and multi-national
corporate elite- had a plan. First they must help the remaining
few who knew of the origins of cheez forget what they know. See,
most of mankind had, over the centuries, come to think that dairy
"cheese" was the cheese. It is most certainly not. Cheez
is the cheese. So these powerful interests spread a misinformation
campaign to discredit the few brave souls who spoke out about the
truth of Cheez. These interest began to circulate inane children’s
stories about the moon being made of cheez. This story was intended
to make the truth tellers sound completely insane.
Once these omni-national interests had disguised
the truth of the matter they were ready to begin the actual reclamation
of cheez from the depths of space. They needed a way to deliver
the sweet gooey element to earth without letting humanity know what
it was up to. This is why the Cold War happened. The Cold War was
a front to mine cheez found in the Asteroid Belt. The main brunt
of the Cold War for so long was the space program. Why do you think
that humanity went from riding horses down Broadway to walking on
the moon in just over 50 years? It wasn’t to further science,
that’s for damned sure. Oh, and you can bet that the Russians
were in on it.
What is my basis for making this claim about the
space program? Well, first of all- it’s no wild claim. It’s
the truth. Let’s think about this for a minute. When was cheez
re-introduced en masse to the people of earth? That’s right-
it completely coincides with the advent of the space program. And
a more and more of a foothold in space was realized, more and more
cheez products were introduced and produce: Velveeta, eazy-cheez,
cheez-its, cheez nips, and even Cheetos. The list goes on and on.
But now the cold war has ended. It is no longer needed. The global
cheez mining interests have tremendous sway over the media and can
now go straight to the source without having to hide behind the
mask of NASA. The media simply refers to all of this as "commercial
space operations".
Now, you might be thinking that I am angry and must
think that the cheez syndicate is evil. Of course I do not think
this- without them our lives would be devoid of cheez. What a horrible
nightmare that would be! I just wish that these interests would
come clean with the world and tell us the truth. They cloaked their
operations for so long out of fear that nobody would eat cheez products
knowing that they originated in outer space. That may have been
true decades ago- but not any more. Our society has matured significantly.
Besides, we are all horribly, horribly addicted to the stuff now.
I’ve got to have it. I can’t tell you what I’d do
to get some more. Thank good it can get it at about any food selling
location in North America. Otherwise there would be a measurably
higher murder rate around here.
Citizens of the world: write to Nabisco, Frito-Lay,
Kraft, and all of those other fronts for the cheez-mongering
multi-nationals and tell them to release the cheez!
|
