This being our first issue of the new millennium, we would like to use this space to review some of the major accomplishments of the last millennium and our hopes for the next thousand years- but we're not going to. You've probably had it with this tired bit of discussion, and frankly we can't think of anything even remotely interesting to say about it. Well, except for the fact that we are overjoyed that we get to say "2000" on a daily basis now. It's like living in the future.

No, wait. We lied. There is one issue in all of this millenium hoopla that we feel has been greatly ignored- this issue of Future Fashion. Sure, there has been some lip service given to the concept of wearing shinny clothing (which we applaud, and even encourage), but we feel that much is being ignored. Not all of us can afford spacefoil suits, so what are we to do?

Here at Evil Robots we have come up with some ideas on what you should be wearing now that the future is here:

Sombreros. Everyone should be wearing sombreros. They are the ultimate in headwear for the discerning idiot. Nothing says "hey look at me!" like a ginormous sombrero (except for maybe a giant foam cowboy hat- but those are strictly for formal occasions). Some of us feel so strongly about this that we intend to drive to South of the Border (the greatest highway rest stop in this sector of the universe) to get an authentic one just to wear in our convertible. No one will question either our fashion or our common sense thereafter.

Space Helmet. The only other future-fashionable head garment is a space helmet. What is a space helmet? Don’t ask us, we don’t have one. It’s a helmet that makes you look like you’re from outer space. This may be a cool NASA helmet or a motorcycle helmet with the words "Space Case" stenciled on the back. Whatever suits your fancy- just as long as people know where you stand. A space helmet is headwear with a message.

Super-Hero Capes. Always wear a cape. Never be seen without one. Now that we are living in the future, we consider it essential to have a cape. There is no excuse not to have one on at all time. An explanation is not really needed since it is so self-evident that capes are the coolest garments ever. Note: we are not talking about stupid Ren-fair or SCA capes, if you wear one of them. It is over. We never want to see you again. Go away.

Elastic Donkey Kong belt with magnetic clasp. Coolest belt ever- past present or future. A Knight Rider Belt of the same variety is also acceptable.

As for footwear, we suggest Baywatch Flip-Flops or Moon Boots, depending upon your particular disposition (but not climate- we would actually highly recommend wearing Moon Boots to the beach. They let the sharks know who’s boss).

Pants made out of hot dogs. Use Hebrew Nationals to be kosher.

Tee-Shirts with cuss words on them. Now that the future is finally here our moral standards have completely faded. Feel free to finally wear your "Fuck you, asshole" tee-shirt in public without receiving scorn.

Matching red, white, and blue striped elastic headbands and wristbands. These say you’re tough, active, patriotic, and they keep the sweat out of your eyes and the hair our of your face. If you wear these while jogging and striking dramatic poses in public everyone will think you are a famous athlete and ask for your autograph.

Loli-rings. Rings you can eat! It’s so obvious. Other recommend rings include large plastic rings that say "If you have it, flaunt it." Skull rings are for losers (see SCA cape note).

So there you have it- the fashion of the future. The future is now, now that it is 2000. The items discussed above, in any combination (or in combination with any other item of clothing for that matter) is sure to make you the most popular person in you school, office, or at any club or party. So remember- the future is here, so dress like it.