January 2001

Award This!

Man am I feeling lazy today. My duties as Chief Party Person are really starting to wear me down. I haven't even had pants on since about an hour after I woke up on somebody's floor this morning. Needless to say, I don't really feel like writing any album reviews right about now. Besides, my Chinese food just arrived. So instead of sitting here and trying to think up something intelligent (which is a major effort for me) or endure the searing pain of listening to something I hate, like Rush, I think I will blather on and on for a while about something that irritates me. I'm really good at that.

Before getting on my high horse, though, I will share with you some of the albums I recently acquired: Beth Orton's "Central Reservation", "Three EP's" by the Beta Band, "Freestylin'" by Greyboy, and an EP by Sukpatch. I think there may have been more, but I can't say I really feel like walking across the room to double check. I must do my duty as Record Reviewer Guy and tell you that all of these albums are excellent and that anyone who says otherwise should be shot.

I was just trying to think of a topic. Then I looked over the TEEvee and it was instantly obvious. Ricky Martin was there shaking his whatever. I have nothing against Ricky Martin besides the fact that he suck. But that's not my point here. The point is that this was an ad for some music awards show or another. For the love of Mike, aren't there a bit too many of these? I think there's about one a week by now.

How many music awards can there possibly be? It would be one thing if most of them were genre specific or something. They are not. These days they are just another excuse to have one of those blonde hussies or the boy bands on the tube to make a grab for ratings against some "reality-based" show or another. They all laud the same performers and the nominations seem to be directly tied to album sales. What nonsense is this? Well, at least it fuels my relatively unjustified sense of elitism.

I'm sure this isn't news to anybody, but these awards shows, are obviously just excuses for the recording industry to stroke itself and blow sunshine up it's own ass. If I wanted to see that I'd be watching porno. But since they don't show porno on the Broadcast Networks, and I certainly don't pay for sex, it looks like I'm stuck with this, the internet, and my rusty gray van with a mattress in the back.