November 2001

Grandpa Loves Music: Tenacious D

Tenacious D Tenacious D 2001

"That's Fucking Teamwork!" -from 'Fuck Her Gently'

"I check my dipstick, you need lubrication." -from 'Kielbasa'

Bottom line: I recommend that you go out and buy Tenacious D's new CD.

For the past three or four weeks, people from all walks of life have been able to witness the phenomenon that is Jack Black. Jack, of course, is on half of the power due known as Tenacious D (the other half being the indomitable spirit, Kyle Gass - or KG.)

The D (as their fans refer to them) released their first album at the same time as the release of Jack's first major motion picture, Sallow Hal. Jack has been on every show from Regis and Kelly to Good Morning America to Jay Leno. Yes, my friends, Jack Black is one busy man this month.

(Really, I don't care about Shallow Hal. In fact, I may not see that film ever in my life. No matter how much I enjoy Jack's antics, I will make no effort to see another crappy film with Gwyneth Paltrow.)

"He asked us 'Be you angles?' And we said, 'Nay! We are but men! ROCK!'" -from 'Tribute'

I remember the D from their show on HBO. Their bombastic acoustic jams were funny and, quite possible, the best songs in the world. But real life rock and rollers, such as Dave Grohl, accompany the songs on the new CD, allegedly. But this reviewer is not willing to believe the credits provided in the CD.

The D has been working on their craft for far too long (please see Bio-Dome for JB and KG) to put their future in the hands of mere mortals. Now, I am not going to accuse the D of selling their souls to the Devil, or Satan. I am suggesting something more reasonable.

"Oh Shit! There's a bear! Can you hand me that shotgun, buddy, also that chair." -from 'Friendship'

If you take a good long listen to the new CD, you will notice that the songs from the Tee-vee show are basically the same lyrically and in length. That suggests to me that the songs were not recorded in a traditional manner.

I firmly believe that Jack Black and Kyle Gass allowed themselves to be plugged into a computer that analyzed their thought, converting them into accompaniment to their musical jewels. I believe that probes were attached to their brain and their testicles. The electrical signals were converted from logical and testicular signals into the band that could sufficiently rock your socks off!

Sure, this sounds far fetched to some, but after listening to this album non-stop for three weeks, I feel that there is no other explanation for the non-stop rocking.

"Sometimes you've got to make some love, and fucking give her some smooches, too." From 'Fuck Her Gently"

It is obvious to me that these guys do not only make music, their thoughts also make music. They are the most brilliant men on the planet.

(Of course, they cannot reveal their secrets to the general public. For if every crappy band (see: Goo-Goo Dolls, Sugar Ray, Hootie and the Blowfish and Brian Setzer to name a few) used that technology we would know beyond a doubt that they are completely pathetic and useless. That would put an end to the music industry as we know it. Until the world is ready for that kind of change, we will have to settle for only one perfect band.)

Again, I recommend that you go out and buy Tenacious D's new CD. You will be hearing quite possibly the best, most hard rockin' album ever released.