November 2003

Records Grandpa Should Not Own

Me and the little lady may be moving soon, and you know what that means: tossing out old crap I have not used or looked at since the last move. Moving is costly and tiring, but it is also fun if you like throwing out crap. Since my only working record player plays 78's, I have huge stacks of 33 RPM records just waiting to be used or wold on E-Bay. This past week I took a quick look at some of my records, and came up with this little report. If you want to have any of these records, I may be willing to part with them in exchange for goods or services (if you know what I mean.)

1. Fangface - 4 Exciting, New Complete Stories from America's #1 TV Show (Peter Pan Records)
This will not be easy to write, I'm sure. It will be even harder to part with this piece of nostalgia because of all the fun I used to have listening to it. Oh well. For those who do not remember it, "Fangface" is a Scooby-Doo style cartoon show about a group of teenage wanderers who happen upon creepy houses and carnivals.

Unlike the future (in which we live,) the 1970's television show did not have the full-season DVD, merely episodes on record album. You can find them on the net and at flea markets, tons of recordings of cartoon tee-vee shows. They are just one step below an old-time radio show. The dialogue is so damn obvious that you have no trouble picturing the background, but you don't get a good sense of the comic action of the meddling teens.

Since I don't smoke weed as much as I did five or eight years ago, I don't see the use in keeping it. But, as you will find, it may be the best record on the entire list.

2. Asia - Asia (Geffen Records)
Asia was pretty big and popular back in the early 80's. Made up of members of Yes, Emerson, Lake and Palmer, and King Crimson, Asia was a bona fide SUPERGROUP. Of course, that does not explain WHY I have this record. I still hear "Heat of the Moment" and "Only Time Will Tell" on the oldies radio from time to time, and their prog-synth sound takes me back to a time (in my mind) before I wrote in cursive.

I really like the album cover. It's a drawing of a huge sea dragon coming out of the water, apparently chasing the orb from "Heavy Metal." I would much prefer to have it on a tee-shirt than a record, but what can I do? No one even tries to make cool covers like this anymore because they can't. Magical green dragons are not cool anymore.

My best chance for making a buck off this LP, which is in pretty good condition, is to sell it on the E-Bay. I should sell it with the "Fangface" record, for a minimum bid of $3.00. It'll be a great way to find all the Asia/Fangface fans on the planet.

3. WOW! - Bananarama (PolyGram Records)
This is the second and final album in this list which I keep for looking purposes only. Vaguely remembering such pop-treats as "I Heard A Rumor", and "I Can't Help It" does not peek my interest in playing it, not even for a laugh. This is definitely in my out-box.

I remember finding this one, it was on the same hunt in which I landed Rick Sprinfield's "Success Hasn't Spoiled Me Yet". The arrogance of an irony loving teen at the bargain bin! The cover has the tree ladies in the band embracing three hunks. They look sooooo satisfied. I suppose that's what the WOW is all about. Of course, not being a music historian, I don't know if there is any classic production, or ground breaking synthesizing. Really, I don't care. I should not bring this with me to a new house unless I intend to sell it.

4. Organ Moods at Midnight - The Magic Fingers of Merlin at the Hammond" (Dunhill Records)
5. Dave Stephens Organ Fascination (Wyncote Records)
6. Organ Hi-Fi Presenting the Unique Organ Styling of Jerry Mendelssohn - Vol. 1 (Halifax Records)

Dirty young Grandpa loved to own these records because their titles made him giggle. They still do, to a point. Sometimes I look at those records and think two things: one, that the 60's were full of sexual innuendo; and two, that people in the 60's would buy just about anything. Imagine - there was once a market for ORGAN records! Christ.

Maybe there is a good reason for me to hold onto these oddities, but I cannot think of one at the moment. I am neither a huge fan of cover art, nor am I going to listen to them. They should just go. Sometime next year, I will try to sell them on the internet, or maybe make some art project with them - I can't decide which.