Q. Have you purchased any good albums lately?

A. Yes, would you like to know what they are?

Q. Aren't I supposed to be asking the questions here? Yes, please- do tell.

A. The Now Sound of Ursual 1000- Ursula 1000

Go Deep With Julius Papp- Julius Papp

Covert Operations- Various Artists, on Eighteenth Street Lounge Music (a nice new label based out of DC)

Q. I here that you like the Acid Jazz. If you were to recommend just one Acid Jazz disc to somebody who knows nothing about it, what would you recommend.

A. Hmmm. This is Acid Jazz vol. 5 on Instinct Records or any one of the "Bossa Brava" series (also on Instinct). That is the one I would recommend, jerk. Instinct Records is one of the better sources of Acid Jazz in North America, and I generally trust almost anything they put out.

Q. What about an adult contemporary album?

A. Homey don't play that.

Q. Rock then?

A. Umm, how about Foreigner 4? That's a real winner.

Q. What are your favorite Albums?

A. Look in the archives for an article I already wrote on that, you lazy bastard.

Q. OK, what are some of your least favorite albums.

A. That's hard to say. Anything that I know I hate I tend not to buy. But I have made some mistakes in my past. For instance, in high school I acquired some Rush albums. This was a big mistake. In fact, I was witness to one of the most confusing events of my recent life because of Rush. I was flipping around the teevee the other night and Rush was on MTV. I was very confused. It was a live version of "Tom Sawyer". This ruined my week since it was then stuck in my head for 2 days.

Q. Speaking of songs stuck in your head, have you ever had a good song stuck in your head that made you crazy?

A. Yes. "Stripes" by Johnny Cash. I like Johnny Cash as much as the next idiot, but this was a particularly bad experience. It was my sophomore year in college, and at least once a week I would wake up with this song pounding through my head. It made me insane! I got stripes, stripes around my shoulders...this is not the way to wake up.

 Q. Could you explain the inherent mathematical nature of music theory?

A. No. Get out of here, fancy-pants.

Q. Do you prefer CD or Vinyl as a format?

A. CDs, because I can listen to them in my car, and they don't get all gummed up in my crappy tape deck like my tapes. Also, my CD player has a remote, which is a plus, and my turntable does not. And if my record starts to skip, I have to get up and fix it- that's a definite minus.

Q. What do you think of Weird Al? Do you think he is as funny as I do?

A. Probably not. Actually, I think Weird Al is a complete and total failure- no matter what I may have said the first time I heard "Eat It" when I was 8. Sure, I may have giggled at his "work" over the years, but I still maintain that he is a complete and utter failure.

Q. Could you explain that, maybe?

A. Fine. Until about 3 days ago I just thought Weird Al was kind of annoying, but then I saw the light. I had a rather zen-like insight into the true nature of his failure. I realized that weird Al did not write a spoof of the Police's song "King of Pain" that goes something like this:

And so on. You get the point of the song. But my point is this: how could a "professional" miss such an obvious parody? Ergo, Weird Al is a total failure.

Q. What did you think of the MTV music awards?

A. They sucked. Nobody good won because nobody good was nominated. But it was funny how Britney Spears and those song-boys didn't even bother with microphones. That was a nice touch- I am tired of my brain being insulted with knuckleheads lip synch-ing into dead mics at award shows and on teevee in general. Who the hell do they think they are foolin'?

Q. Why did it take you guys so long to update the website?

A.None of your damned business. No wait, sorry loyal reader. We were busy listening to over 1500 albums as to expand our musical knowledge....Because it was summer and we're lazy bastards, you a-hole!