Television is Music to My Ears

I love the TEEvee. And I love it even more when it plays me some good music. Sometimes the only reason to watch a show is because it’s got a good theme song. But, when thinking about this issue a little deeper, I am forced to say: I miss the 70’s.

The 1970’s seem to be they heyday for good music in television. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of good TEEvee theme songs from other decades- but pound for pound the 70’s reign supreme in this department. In the 70’s any random, crappy show could be blessed with a super fantastic theme song- just take What’s Happenin’, Ironsides or The Streets of San Francisco for example. For an example of this one might want to listen to Smackwater Jack by Quincy Jones. Good luck finding it. This album is a collection of Q’s work, and features several songs he did for TEEvee. Also included is a most kick-ass, jazzed-up version of "What’s Goin’ On," which is simply fantastic. Come to think of it, I think we should lobby congress to change the national anthem from that crappy F. S. Key song to Marvin’s "What’s Goin’ On". How cool would it be to hear that every time we win a gold medal in the Olympics? In your face, France!

Back to TEEvee theme songs. Really. The 70’s are by far the greatest. In the 70’s even sitcoms and game shows had groovy music. Think about 70’s TEEvee music compared with 80’s theme music. Do you seriously think Doogie Howser can compete with Barney Miller? If you do you are crazy and you should be locked up. Give me you address and I will come on over and fix your wagon. I mean it. Shit- now the Doogie Howser theme song is stuck in my head and somebody is going to have to pay. You know, now that I think about it, there has been some pretty good music on the TEEvee since it’s inception- from My Three Sons right on up to The Players.

In the car this morning I was trying to think of a list of the best TEEvee theme songs ever. I couldn’t do it. I just haven’t seen enough TEEvee. That realization saddened and frightened me. I watch a lot of TEEvee, but I can’t be held responsible for not having seen shows that were to bad to be rerun on Nick at Nite. I have managed to put together a brief list of my favorite TEEvee theme songs and why they are special to me. Here it is:

1. The Odd Couple. Hands down the best TEEvee theme song ever. It could stand on it’s own as a great song. And it does. WJHU in Baltimore frequently plays it in the background. It makes me crazy. It’s a great song. It’s very jazzy and very simple. The melody is addictive and I love it. It’s about as sophisticated as TEEvee theme songs can get.

2. The A-Team. This song is one of the greatest. It really conveys the "emotional" content of the show very well, which is half of the challenge of any TEEvee theme song. Not only does this song convey the sense of action within the show, but it has deeply influence my personal life. This is the song I hum to myself when I am concentrating or working otherwise very hard. It has helped me solve math problems, hike up mountains, write papers, be a better lacrosse player, and so on.

3. "C.H.i P.’s". Go watch it on TNT. You will agree with me. It’s oh so groovy. I can’t ride a bicycle without humming it out loud. Sometimes I can’t walk without humming it out loud. But that’s more of a personal problem than anything else.

4. Sanford & Son. Very funky. The 70’s were big on the funky- TEEvee and otherwise. Sandford & Son just happens to be a great example. There are so many other superbly funky TEEvee theme songs from the same area, some of which I have already mentioned.

5. Jeopardy. I hate this damn theme music. But that’s why I love it. It is singularly probably the most annoying piece of music ever written (except for maybe the Doogie Howser theme song). If you ever want to piss anybody off, or maybe just get punched in the face, just start humming in somebody’s ear. The longer the better. Man, is it annoying.

So, as one can see, TEEvee has a wealth of fantastic music. It is not the vast wasteland that some, including the so-called "moral majority" and "congress" seem to suggest. They only watch, but don’t seem to listen. They must have the TEEvee muted with the tuner turned to Radio Jesus. No wonder they hate TEEvee- what kind of a fucked-up viewing experience is it to be watching Emmanuelle in Space while having some guy preach at you with a choir singing in the background?