March 2001

Rockin' Down the Highway
The Lives of Commuters Special

My commute is simple. My commute is fun.

I drive from Mobtown to Naptown, Maryland every morning. The State of Maryland built a beautiful interstate highway, I-97, connecting the two cities. I drive on that tiny 17.5 mile interstate so I can work for the man.

My commute is cool because I drive a Jeep Wrangler. During the summer I can take my top down and party. 'nuf said.

My commute is not work time. Many people use their commute to listen to the news or make phone calls, but as I do enough of both for more than 8 hours every day, I try to limit my 30 minutes to self centered activities like listening to CD's or Howard Stern.

I know that many people do not like Howard Stern, but I also know that most people do not listen to Howard Stern. Most people let the television or print media limit their choices for them. That is fine. That is also why I am better than those people.

If I time my drive just right, I leave Mobtown at the end of the commercial break, and I pull into the parking lot at the beginning of the next. Between the two, I hear whatever Stern has to give me. His show is honest, crude, vulgar, unique, inventive, and fast-paced. His crew knows their place and help him along every step of the way. The quest or quest is always out of his/her league (all accept Mr. T and Dr. Ruth - they were both brilliant.)

He does not play music, thank God. And, being the best of all morning "shock jocks," he does not have to steal other people's routine. His routine is forever being mimicked.

Don't get me wrong. I did not make Stern my first choice. For months I listened to my CD player on the commute. I always prefer my own control over that of some stranger (or corporate play-list.) Stern came onto my radio by accident.

During the election I listened to NPR in the morning. Morning Edition lead me down the road of doom, and I came to a decision. Morning Edition, and NPR as a whole, is for jerks and nerds.

You see, I cannot justify listening to news on my way to work! What am I, a nerd? NO! And when they are not boring the life out of me with news, they are asking me for money! Shiva H. Vishnu! Those jerks expect me to listen to their crap and give them money. No way. Maybe if they were a struggling independent radio station I would help, but they are as corporate as WHFS, so I give them no money. Pathetic, that's what it is.

I would not be true to Evil Robots' kickin' back life-style were I to listen to NP-frickin'-R every morning. My job and its 'responsibilities' are insult enough. My commute should be represent my private dedication to maxin' and relaxin'.

It sure is!