August 2001

Evil Robots First Ever Dirty, Filthy Limerick Contest

Hey Everyone! While you are waiting for Labor Day weekend and your tax refund checks you can participate in the greatest poetry contest ever: The First Ever Evil Robots Dirty, Filthy Limerick Contest! The winners will be published in the September 2001 issue and given mad props be me and my people. (We would give you a free Evil Robots tee-shirt, but we don't have them yet.)

You may enter as many times as you wish, but you cannot make a limerick about just anything. You must include one of two things: robots or the internet.

For example:

One day I was surfing for porn
While eating a bowl of creamed corn
My spunk it did fly
As I turned a blind eye -
Should I eat anymore? I am torn.

You see, one can easily merge modern technology with the timeless beauty of crass poems. To help you, I have chosen a few good, dirty and filthy limericks from a book given to me by my lovely wife, Bigfoot.

#1
There once was a harlot of Wick
Who was sucking a coal-heaver's prick.
She said, "I don't mind
the coal-dust and grime,
But the smell of your balls makes me sick."

#2
There was an old girl of Silesia
Who said, "As my cunt doesn't please ya,
You might as well come
Up my slimey old bum,
But be careful my tapeworm don't seize ya."

#3
A certain young sheik I'm not namin'
Asked a flapper he thought he was tamin',
"Have you your maidenhead?"
"Don't be foolish," she said,
"But I still have the box that is came in."

#4
There was a young girl of Antietam
Who liked horse turds so well she could eat 'em.
She'd lie on their rumps
And swallow the lumps
As fast as the beasts could excrete 'em.

#5
An old couple just at Shrovetide
Were having a piece - when he died.
The wife for a week
Sat tight on his peak,
And bounced up and down as she cried.

There you go. Send all submissions to contests@evilrobots.com.

Good luck and keep the filth alive!