August 2003

Future Digestion

I am going to the beach before The Seventh Annual Pig Roast. Godzilla inspired this madness- I believe he took such a trip at some point in the past. Though his might have been roast then beach, but whatever. I am going to Truro, MA - that's on the cape. Cape Ann or Cod or Bob, whatever they call it. It's a fancy whitey place to vacation. Not like Myrtle Beach, ya redneck fucks. Thus I present:

Brief reviews of North Truro, MA restaurants I have yet to go to.

Adrian's Restaurant
Great family-style food (read - lots of screaming kids) overpriced. Or possibly, you will get punched by Rocky. I don't know.

Babe's Restaurant & Bakery
Babe - for whom the 'Restaurant' is named, is an obnoxious drunk. Great for breakfast, but only if babe is passed out - otherwise, be prepared to withstand a hailstorm of belligerence

Blacksmith Shop Restaurant
Olden time-y industrial feel, olden time-y food.

Harbor Lights Restaurant
Overpriced seafood. Not even local fish. 'Ambiance' includes bits of fishing net on the walls.

Highland Creamery
Unless it's just a milk store, they serve ice cream. A beach necessity, but overpriced, and not that delicious soft serve.

Montano's Restaurant
Obvious mob front. Seriously. If a guy leaves a briefcase in there, don't grab it and run after him…

Paparazzi
Avoid. Admit to going there, get punched in the gut.

Paradise Hawaiian Shaved Ice
Only thing worth going to on this god-forsaken cape.

Terra Luna
Too cool for its own good, inattentive staff and small portions make for poor eating. Where do they think this is NYC? Fashion-food is for morons. I will probably have to eat there.

Village Cafe
Plagues start in villages.

***
So that's that. No bars on my list which does not bode well for my week at the beach. I plan on bringing a shovel and digging a big hole every day.

And going to a pig roast after.