September 2002

Pig Roast Memories

As many of you are aware, the Evil Robots staff, along with dozens of other lucky people, attended a pig roast in Schenectady, NY over labor day weekend. We had music, we had beer, we had roasted pig. We had more fun than you did.

Of all that we did over the weekend, the highlight was certainly the drunken ranting and raving of one guest whom we referred to as "Senator Gronk."

This guy, a friend of my brother, is average height, and stocky. When sober, he is a big, cuddly teddy bear. When drunk, he is a vertically challenged sexual monster who likes to play with fire. He is great to laugh at.

Late in the evening, when the last band finished playing, all the guests gathered in a large circle around a bonfire to drink beer and wine, sing a little, and wind down. Half a dozen kids tossed sticks, nails and paper into the fire, and the adults tossed plastic cups and bottles. We all seemed so civilized.

But Gronk was no satisfied with the fire. He wobbled around outside the circle looking for wood. He found a large, cardboard box and tossed it on the fire, nearly putting it out. Still unsatisfied, he lurched towards the fire and nearly tossed himself in. He missed. The Evil Robots staff, which at this point were in pain from uncontrollable laughter, nearly died.

Gronk pulled himself up, somehow, and tried to jump in the fire again. Thankfully, my cousin stopped him. When Gronk finally realized what my cousin had done, he walked up behind him and grabbed his ass. Seriously, Gronk grabbed my cousin's ass like he was palming a basketball. I hope I am never thanked by anyone that way.

By and by, Gronk decided he should retire to his bed chamber (tent). He stumbled, in the wrong direction, towards the road. With bated breath, we watched as he stopped as if to pee. His legs failed him, and he stumbled backwards as he relieved himself.

As each guest retired to their tents, they passed the sleeping Gronk, laying in the dewy grass outside his tent with a tarp placed over him. Even in rest he cracked us up.

I love my brother's pig roast's. Every year another group of people spend a wonderful day together under the sun. And to guarantee that next year will be just as fun, Evilrobots.com will get Gronk drunk again. Every party needs a lovable drunk, and we have ours.