September 2003

Evil Robots 1st Annual Senator Gronk Junior Achiever Award
Voted on by the Greater Evilrobots Contributing Board, Inc.

This award is presented to the person who, at the Annual Upstate New York Pig Roast (hosted by Grandpa's Brother), achieved Senator Gronk-like drunkenness, making the Roast-guests enjoy themselves all the more. If you don't remember why we honor Sen. Gronk, lookie here.

The winner is….Godzilla!
Yes, this year's award goes to our very own Godzilla, and proud we are of all he did!

Grandpa: Why did Godzilla win? It's simple, he got the drunkest! AND while he was drunk, he pulled a very Gronk-esque move by knocking down not only a fruit-tray, but the garbage can it had been resting upon. Not to ruin all he had done by cleaning it up, he turned his back to the mess and ignored the pile of trash he had spread about the ground. Also, when he went to bed (pass out), he kept yelling, "I hate white people!"

Bigfoot: The Senator Gronk Junior Achiever Award goes to Godzilla because he was trying hard to be loaded like his mentor, the senator (who, not to be outdone, passed out in a ditch at one point in the evening). I really thought Godzilla would be seen at 3:00 am stomping all over Tent City and pillaging ladies' underwear.

Lefty: Why Godzilla? Because he was the only person at the party to pick a fight with a garbage can... and lose!

Mr. Joshua: As for the Sen. Gronk award, I nominate my brother, Godzilla. Although I did not see the "Trash Can Incident", being that we are related, I have a picture in my mind of the level of intoxication that it must have taken for that bastard to be swimming in trash. However, no one came close to the level of drunkenness of Senator Gronk in the 2002 Pig Roast.

Godzilla Responds

I graciously accept this incredible award. I am pleased that my peers recognize my initiative and effort to fill the void left by the Honorable Gronk, who was apparently passed out in a ditch. I saw my opportunity to up the Drunken Ass Quotient and I seized it. That fucking trash pile never even saw it coming. I must say the most satisfying part of the rediculous scen I made was the nose all those aluminum cans made as I plummeted ass-first into them and wallowed around.

It is truly a blessing to receive this honor.

Assholes.