September 2003

SENATOR GRONK M.I.A.; GODZILLA STEPS UP

SCHENECTADY NY- In a surprising turn of events, political statesman and Evil Robots laughter-inducer, Senator Gronk, went missing at the 2003 Brennan pig roast, held on the weekend of August 23rd.

Known for his fire playing and man-ass-grabbing behavior that makes the annual Brennan pig roasts exceptionally memorable, Senator Gronk went missing sometime after dinner on Saturday.

Several witnesses report seeing Senator Gronk exiting the Grateful Dead bannered barn and stumbling quite intoxicated, to an area of the property that edges busy Route 7.

After Girlfriend-of-Gronk noticed that the Senator was absent, a search party was quickly organized (of those who were not too drunk to hold a flashlight).

Most of the Evil Robots staff, including yours truly, combed the dark back property, looking for the large body of Senator Gronk… whom most of us assumed was passed out in a bush somewhere. But the search was to no avail.

Arriving back at the barn, we were informed that the Senator had been found, asleep, in his girlfriend's car across the street.

Evil Robot's own Godzilla, sensing the emptiness at the pig roast, did what needed to be done. He got shit-faced drunk and made a complete spectacle of himself, to honor the gone-but-not-forgotten Senator Gronk. He capped off the evening by knocking over a garbage can and falling into said garbage.

When reached for comment about the incident Godzilla effused, "I didn't just knock over a trash can, I fell ass-first into a huge pile of trash. It was fucking awesome."

Godzilla has now been deemed Delegate Godzilla (as he resides in congressionally unrepresented Washington, DC) for his outstanding achievement in getting so "Gronk-ed Up".

Travel-Dog could not be reached for comment.