October 2002

Evil Robots Announces Revolutionary Kickin' Back Monetary Policy

A private memo released by Evil Robots, Inc. revealed that Godzilla, co-founder and CEO, has hundreds of people in debt to him. Though corporate accounting insists on calculating these debts in standard currency, internal sources reveal that all of these debts are actually tacos.

A shock went through the industry yesterday afternoon when the memo was released. Many people had questioned the financial stability of this corporate giant, but no one had imagined his debts would be so delicious.

The taco, a tex-mex meal commonly eaten for dinner by the modern American family, is a favorite of Godzilla's. The study shows that in the summer of 1998, Godzilla started collecting his "taco debt" from friends and family. "Some people think I am out of my mind," said Godzilla, "but on days when I am out of cash, all those tacos will come in real handy. You can't eat money, but, of course, you can eat tacos. And as additional tacos accrue with interest over time, I'm certain I'll never go hungry again. Unless some fuckers refuse to cough the tacos they owe me."

Some have suggested that Godzilla's technique harkens back to a time when men bartered for goods and services. The tacos represent Godzilla's work, and their monetary value is irrelevant. Many analysts say, however, that he needs to begin exchanging some of his "taco debt" for cash.

Dr. Stephen Dicknose from Johns Hopkins University's School of Finance said, "Godzilla is very trusting, but the value of a taco changes from one day to the next so much that he can never really know how many tacos he has. This is a recipe for disaster. Besides, where does he keep them? In a taco vault?"

"That's crap! Dr. Dicknose is a pecker-head!" Said Godzilla, "I am owed thousands of tacos by hundreds of people! The number of tacos is easily calculable. A twelve taco deal in 1998 is worth anywhere from 16 to 48 tacos in 2002 depending on the interest rate agreed upon. And I've made hundred of these deals. Soon I will have the fiduciary taco market cornered! And don't skimp on the hot sauce, motherfuckers."

Records show that members of the Evil Robots, Inc. corporate board owe Godzilla many tacos. "Grandpa's taco-debt alone could feed a high-school field hockey team!"

"Fuck cash", says Godzilla, "I want me some tacos."