November 2003

Grandpa's Thanksgiving Cornucopia

For me, Thanksgiving is about eating food. When I was younger, it was about getting up early in the morning, running a race, playing some football, then eating. That is no longer the case. I am past the days of running and playing all day. I want to arrive at the in-laws house and begin eating. It's more fun that way. No fuss, no muss.

Sometimes, I fantasize about having Thanksgiving at my house again. I have done this only one time, and it was terrific. In 1996, I spent the holiday in Annapolis. I cooked a turkey with all the trimmings, invited some friends over to eat, then we got drunk, then stoned, and went bowling. When we found the bowling alley was closed, we returned to my apartment and played touch football in the street. It was very cool. I wanna do that again some time.

In case I have a chance to host a Thanksgiving meal again, I have prepared the menu. This will ensure that all tummies will be full, and all tastebuds will be made happy.

For 8-10 Adults

For Starters
Baked Acorn Squash Soup

The Main Course
20 lb. Turkey (stuffed with two onions, an apple, and some thyme)
Corn Bread Dressing
Mashed Potatoes
Home-made Cranberry Sauce
Spinach Salad with Balsamic-Bacon Vinaigrette
Corn Bread Muffins
Creamed Corn
Sautéed Green Beans
Turkey Gravy

On the Table
4-5 Bottles of Red Wine
2 Bottles of White Wine
2 Bowls Made from an Apple
1 Made out of a Potato

Dessert
Pumpkin Pie!

I can see it now, my friends sitting together around a large table in my dining room, alternating between eating food and getting stoned, many of them leaving the room for 20 minute naps on the couch. After about four hours, when the food is cool, and the night is young, we'll begin finding people who have sneaked into the dining room to eat the apple, and pick at bones of the magnificent bird. It'll be wonderful. I am such a genius.

We here in the Evil Robots, Inc. family hope that your holiday is filled with food, joy and three to four embarrassing moments.