Action Relaxing part Route 66: The Vehicle

--Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Action Relaxin’. You’re going to hear a lot about it from the Robots. It is our corporate philosophy. Our CEO, Godzilla, has told me repeatedly, it is simply, "working hard at doing nothing." At the end of a successful session of action relaxin’, you will have great stories, but no real answer to the question, "why did you do it?" At least no answer that the unconverted will understand. A prime exercise in the action relaxin’ canon is the roadtrip. It involves so much energy for so little of what most people call a reward. But we are not most people.

The rewards and proper planning for a roadtrip is, unfortunately, not the subject of this lesson. Keep reading at this site, I think you be able to see the rewards, and the proper planning will be addressed at another time. This lesson is about that most essential component, the component without which none of this would be possible, the car.

You can travel without a car, and if your goal is to get to a location within a reasonable passage of time, it may not be your best option. But our goal is the journey itself, and no other method of transportation can provide a journey like a car. In a car, you can leave at moments notice. Provided you have performed the requisite upkeep, all you need to worry about is the availability of gasoline- luckily, they sell that on the side of the road. So, all you need to do is gas up the vehicle, grab your map (also sold on the side of the road) and leave.

This flexibility is only available to the person travelling by car. If you want to travel by any other means you need to check schedules, and make sure that you are the right place at the right time. In a car there is no wrong place or wrong time. If you are in a city and you want to stop and get a cup of coffee when you are supposed to be boarding your train, you are screwed. Driving a car is the only way to take control of your schedule. You can stop where you want for as long as you want for any reason.

There is freedom, and there is flexibility, but there is more. The drive itself, with your favorite music playing, a long stretch of highway before you, and the realization that you alone control the direction and speed cannot be described to someone who hasn’t experienced it. It is working hard (fighting off sleep, hoping you can make it to the next rest stop before your bladder bursts, etc.) and it is doing nothing (basically, you’re sitting in a reasonably comfortable chair and…and…just sitting there, probably listening to music).

But what car? I cannot really recommend specific vehicles, since individual tastes vary, and anyway, it’s your trip, so it’s your choice of car. I can offer some guidelines based on experience and tale from the front.

First of all, the car must fit you. It must be large enough to accommodate the largest of your co-conspirators. Nothing can ruin the experience like not being able to feel your legs. I once rode in the backseat of a Geo Metro from Asheville, NC to Annapolis, MD. I was not relaxin’. But, it shouldn’t be so big that you can’t maneuver it in traffic, or that you can’t park it. It is also essential that you feel you are in a car. Some of the luxury models on the road today are unacceptable. You cannot feel connected to the road in a car that is more comfortable than your apartment (or house, the debate continues). In general, anything too pretentious is right out.

Action Relaxin’ isn’t about appearing to relax, it is relaxin’. You are not on the road to be seen, you are on the road for a mission. Take the money you would spend on a show car and soup up the sound system or engine of another vehicle. This also reduces the stress, which is the enemy. If you are constantly checking up on your vehicle you are taking away from valuable doing nothing time. Prioritize. In addition, the cost of upkeep for a more expensive car is prohibitive. You shouldn’t have to think about where and for how long you can drive it. Also, if it’s always in the shop, you are giving up the freedom gained by car ownership. Get a reliable, but not overly showy car. Lucky for you, there has been a recent push in the automobile industry to build reliable cars. The car industry has heard the voice of the road-tripper, seize the moment before they turn tail and run from what they have caused.

Once you have the car there are some necessary modifications to be made. Most cars have a tape player, if not, you MUST get one. I am inflexible on this point. You must be able to listen to music. And, it must be music of your own choosing. I’m sure we’ve all seen movies where the hero turns on the radio and hears music that fits the trip perfectly. That is the biggest of Hollywood lies. You may get lucky once or twice an hour, but this is an unacceptable ratio. Get a tape player at least. I say at least since most of your music is probably on CD, you can’t get some of the higher quality stuff on tape. You can get a CD player, but I like the CD player/tape deck option, since it allows you to distill your music collection into a bunch of 90 minute tapes, and play those. In some cases, this is more trouble than it is worth, and you’re better off with the CD player. I have had great success with a portable CD player that can be played through the existing tape deck. This provides the maximum flexibility at the lowest cost. In addition, it is the simplest way to modify an existing system.

Other modifications should be left up to the individuals, and many of your modifications will fit specific needs or be remnants of memorable road trips. The altar in my car is an example of a good road trip. I have a wind-up angel on my dash board. In front of the angel is a stick, a bag of Combos, and a small rock. Each of these elements have important and long stories. I would not expect to see such an altar (or an altar at all) in someone else’s car. I do expect to see seemingly unexplainable items that are essential to the car’s zeitgiest.

While we’re on the subject of essential items, here are some that can should be kept in your trunk at all times:

a baseball glove and baseball. The glove should be oiled and ready to go at a moment’s notice. The baseball should be stored in the glove. Heat from the road and the sun will keep the glove supple and the ball will keep the shape of the glove.

a camera. The lens should be clean, the film general purpose and ready to go. The point of having items in your trunk at all times is that they can be call upon where ever you are.

a lawn chair. You never know when you need to sit out there and soak it all in.

All of these elements, and the car itself, mean you can take Action Relaxin’ on the road. You can preach the message to the rest of the world. More importantly, you can king back in new and interesting places. With a well maintained and properly stocked vehicle, you can be there on a moments notice.