Kickin' Back is a lifestyle. It is my lifestyle. Kickin' Back is, as a matter of fact, a precise science -- about nothing, that is.

What is Kickin' Back? It is an attitude, an attitude that permeates every facet of your life. It is all about working hard at doing nothing -- Action Relaxin', if you will.

When it comes to Kickin' Back there is no try, only do. Kickin' Back is related to laziness, but a laziness that takes much more energy- and yet is totally effortless. Am I being at all clear? Let's try again.

Kickin' Back means that you have become Lazy. This is Lazy with a big "L", not lazy, which is just an adjective. Big "L" lazy is so much more.

The key to Kickin' Back is freedom. The Lazy Guy has the freedom to do anything. For instance, one Friday morning I might go to work and then forget to go home and end up in Chicago after having gone to see the Meters play and eat some good Chicago food. Why? Just because.

Or, Action Relaxin' can lead you to do absolutely nothing for days on end. But it is never a waste of time. A Lazy Guy can never waste any time, since he is always Kickin' Back. I'm Kickin' Back at work, I'm Kickin' Back while mowing my lawn.

Sometimes I just sit out on my screened in porch. The weather's nice and I've got nowhere to be, and nothing specific to do. So I just Kick Back. I turn on the stereo in my living room and make sure my porch speakers are on. If it's dark I plug in the colored lights that line the interior of the porch. I get a cool beverage from the mini-fridge over in the corner because I have no need to be inside. And if I'm hungry, I fire up the built-in BBQ pit. Then I recline in my chair and I'm good to go for several hours. I'm Kickin' Back. Workin' hard at doin' nothin'.

Now, I also drove to Miami from Baltimore and back over a 3 day weekend a few months back to catch a Spring Training game. I was too wired on caffeine and grape soda that I only slept about 8 hours the entire weekend, if that. The rest of the time was spent in the car, grooving along, or plopped on the beach, or watching a ball game. Then I drove right back wearing my tie and went back to work. See? That's Kickin' Back too.

The trick is to enjoy yourself. No matter what your doing. Become Relaxed. Don't worry. Take it easy. Throw as much passion into doing nothing as you would into doing anything else. When you learn to love the way you do nothing, you will then love the way you do everything. Which to say, is very casual- no matter how formal.

You don't have to be a slob to take it easy, but there's no rule against it. Hell, you can really Kick Back in a tuxedo. Action Relaxin' is often greatly facilitated by racing stripes. As long as you never force anything unnaturally- like drinking grain alcohol when only a beer is called for. It's these minor details are important.

Now, that I've tried to explain myself and failed I will try to be a little less obscure. I really think the only way you could understand what I am trying to convey is if you have a natural disposition towards Kickin' Back, in which case I'm preaching to the choir and I apologize...Anyhow, here's the pay off. If, for some reason, you are a complete uptight square, or just think you need to take it down a notch, here is a list of things that might just save your life. If you have all of these things and follow all of these pointers- and use them properly- then you can't help but begin to take it easy. You will have no choice.

Flip-Flops- Put them on your feet

Hawaiian Shirts- Wear them

Album: Getz/Gilberto- Listen to this repeatedly. You will eventually have no choice but to slip on flip-flops and a Hawaiian shirt, and probably mix yourself a drink.

Porch- If you do not have access to a porch, or a least a nice view to look at while working hard at doing nothing- then you are wasting your time.

Grill- How can you not have one? Even if you live in the city, go get yourself a Smokey Joe and take it to a park on Saturday. Sheesh.

Get out of Town- Sometimes you just have to. But you don't know when. Wait until you are inspired. Then race to Kansas City (because you had a calling) and get yourself a steak. Or become inspired to get lost, then get lost. Return home when you get around to it. Only make left turns if you must. Take a car. Take a bus. Take a train or an airplane. But just make sure you take some music. Otherwise your trip cannot be enhanced to it's fullest potential, and you obviously aren't working very hard at doing nothing.

Make a Mess at Ball games- You will understand during the seventh inning stretch when you have a mound of peanut shells at your feet. Now you understand. Nothing is wasted.

Wander Around- Your neighborhood is unexplored. Go walk around it next time it's a pleasant evening. Or go hiking. Whatever. As long as you are taking it easy- no matter how "fast" or "slow" you are moving. You'll get home and say "Ahh". It will be good. You'll see.

Never confuse "Kickin' It" with "Kickin' Back". It's different. "Kickin' Back with Byron Allen" is not very relaxing. As a matter of fact, it's all wrong. Sure, Byron looks like he's having fun blowing sunshine up people's asses and he's got the "jams" playing in the background- but it's all wrong. It makes me angry and tense to watch because the whole think is so moronic- too many people talking about themselves. I think the problem is that Byron himself thinks he is a star because he talks to so many stars at work. He's wrong. He's working hard at the wrong thing. He may be "Kickin' It", but he certainly ain't Kickin' Back.

These are the basics. Try them, you will see that working hard at doing nothing is the easiest thing in the world. Then you will be Kickin' Back.

If you have an comments, questions, or need any guidance in the art of Relaxin', drop me a line. I'll give you what for.