October 2000

Notes From the Land of Maxin’ and Relaxin’

1. Boldly Relaxing New Frontiers

It’s been a rough month for us here at Evil Robots. There have been no great adventures in the last day to speak of (minus a 3 hour drive to the mountains for firewood and kidnapping with subsequent train ride the following day- but that’s fairly standard fare for us idiots). Nobody’s been to Florida this month or anything. 300 mile trips really aren’t worth reporting. It’s really quite disappointing. We promise to do a better job in that in the future.

However this isn’t to say they we here at Evil Robots haven’t been doing our share of kickin’ back. In recent weeks we have taken a more theoretical approach to relaxation. We have been conducting experiments in the realm of Kickin’ Back. Some of these have actually been conducted in the ERI Labs, while others while others remain strictly theoretical- we really can’t remember which is which. Actually, we can’t remember much after we mixed Mountain Dew with cheap vodka

2. Why does everybody hate my hockey jersey?

I am a confirmed Master of Relaxation. My judgment in recreational and otherwise slothful matters is beyond criticism. So why would anybody dare to question my hockey jersey? Hockey jerseys are the ultimate in cool weather relaxin’ wear. They are to winter what aloha shirts are to summer. Hockey jerseys are comfortable and indestructible. Granted, you can't wear a hockey jersey with a suit like you can with a Hawaiian shirt, but they still are amazingly versatile garments. Besides wearing them to actually play or watch hockey, hockey jerseys can be used in a way that is exactly consistent with the philosophy of Action Relaxin’. Hockey Jerseys allow one to maximize their level of relaxation. I have worn my hockey jersey with maximum comfort on very long road trips. I have worn my hockey jersey while watching television for several days on end. Hockey jerseys are very durable and have padded elbows. The fabric is breathable to prevent a build-up of intolerable amount of stink. Also, when wearing my hockey jersey I can infiltrate any frat party and probably score many free beers. Hockey jerseys are, in effect, very discreet capes.

3. Looking cool is worth having a cold

Why do I have a cold? It was 55 degrees last night and I have a convertible. Also, I am an idiot.