May 2003

1, 2, 3, 4- We Declare an Evil Robot War

What the crap? So not to long ago I was renewing our domain name and I notice that for some reason both "evilrobots.net" and "evilrobots.org" were in use. Initially I wondered if somebody was at war with us, or something to that effect. I mean, a few years ago one of my friends kept telling me he was going to register "evilrowboats.com" and spoof us. But, like most everyone I know, he's got a pretty big mouth for such a lazy guy.

But upon further inspection, I realized that these sites were just lame. Or maybe they are just placeholders for some huge multinational corporation that is waiting until they can get our domain and establish some sort of monopoly (this would be stoked by my paranoia, as a whois search resulted in no real information). People, you can HAVE our domain. But it's gonna cost you. Financially and otherwise. You probably can't afford it, chumps.

This scenario seems unlikely. Here at the top of the food chain we have no natural enemies. In this case, we declare war on you, you pathetic bastards. Well, not so much against evilrobots.org. First of all, go look at the site. No big threat. Furthermore, as a .org site it is quite possible representing a non-profit established for the betterment of Evil Robots around the world. We are evil robots. Give us your money.

But those evilrobots.net guys are dead. We declare war on you. We would declare jihad, but we are so obviously godless that it wouldn't have any real meaning. In either case, you guys are fucking dead. DEAD!

We love robots and all, but evilrobots.net is so fucking lame that I am offended. Half of those robots aren't even evil. That's fucking slander, chumps. Additionally, while HAL-9000 is evil as hell, how could you possibly think you were going to get away with drawing a stupid little costume on him? If there is any justice in this universe you sorry bastards will be killed in a freak elevator accident. Or, more precisely, an on-purpose.

We hate you. Drop dead.