April 2004

Why I Still have No Tee-Vee

My dear wife, Bigfoot, and I removed cable tee-vee from our world last September. Since then, we've moved to another state, and decided to keep our home cable-free. I wonder, all the time I wonder, what is happening on the fun tee-vee stations. What of the Simpsons? What of MTV2? Is the History Channel still investigating Hitler? Does Stu Scott have any new catch phrases?

Oftentimes I miss the hours of crap, but, most of the time, I get by without all that. Watching UPN reminds me of how utterly terrible the average tee-vee show is (that's not to say UPN is even close to 'average,' it's just that UPN used to be the station one never watched because there was always something better.)

Anyway, I was back in Maryland this weekend, and the Simpsons were on Fox AND I WATCHED IT!

Big mistake.

I am a big fan of the show, and I have always been able to forgive them for making terrible shows because the complete cannon is better than any other show, minute for minute, on tee-vee. My patience was tested aggressively on Sunday.

The premise of the show (ho-hum) was Marge and Homer's need to get away to reinvigorate their love life. The kids lead the show with a pretty standard bicker-fight scene (Bart's in-bus class was a nice touch), which drags, into a video store and (ungh) to Marge and Homer being depressed.

Ungh is right. The whole episode felt like a cartoon version of a Raymond repeat. If Grandpa Simpson hadn't become involved in a gay relationship, I don't know what I would have done. The episode was total crap. I don't want to think about it any more.

For months, I've been pining the lack of FOX on my rabbit ears. I get three Spanish-language stations, and one Indian, but no FOX. I'm at peace with it now. Really, I am.