March 2001

Piping Hot Movie Reviews
Review This!

Wow, where to start? I've seen a whole mess of films in the last month, so forgive me if some of these
aren't still showing at your local whoompty-plex.

O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?
Another Coen Brothers classic. The best retelling of the Odyssey since 10th Grade English class with Ms. Schultz. But seriously, George Clooney was dope, John Goodman was outstanding in his far too brief appearance, and pretty much everyone was good. Oh yeah, buy the soundtrack, cause there's some real catchy tunes in this here picture.

SNATCH
I figured this movie would be funny and violent and all things good and British. It didn't disappoint. A gooney crime story filled with all sorts of memorable goombahs. If Vinnie Jones never wins an Oscar, he can feel warm and fuzzy because he plays a really good tough guy. Brad Pitt was incomprehensible as an Irish gypsy, and this one other guy feeds people to his pigs. Buy this soundtrack, or at least find a copy of the song "Dreadlock Holiday", by forgettable band 10cc. Classic.

CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON
If you are illiterate and don't speak any Mandarin Chinese, you still might enjoy this movie cause the fight scenes kick serious hiney. I can't say much more about this movie, just go. There aren't enough words to describe the goodnosity of this film. See, I just made up a word.

DOWN TO EARTH
If you neutered a horny dog, he'd probably be pretty lame right? Chris Rock without the words "fuck" "shit" "pussy" etc, etc, is pretty lame too. Even if he was Chris Rock in this movie, it would still suck. I did enjoy the ending credits though.

THE WEDDING PLANNER
Feh. You already know what happens in the end anyway.

RECESS: SCHOOL'S OUT
This movie has moments of appreciation for us older kids, with jokes about Pink Floyd and anal thermometers. It's better than "Save the Last Dance" anyway. And the soundtrack is loaded with psychedelic 60s rock tunes. Oh yeah, two words: Robert Goulet.

3000 MILES TO GRACELAND
I've seen bad movies before. I've seen Kurt Russell movies before. I've seen Kevin Costner movies before. Roll them all into one, and you have something resembling a pile of poo, but slightly less appealing. Will Kevin Costner ever play somebody other than himself? What a shitty actor this guy is. I already told Grandpa, Elvis isn't rolling over in his grave, he's digging his way out so he can exact revenge on everyone involved with this abortion.

HANNIBAL
Grody to the max! But beyond that, I guess this movie was pretty good. The second man-eating pig movie I've seen within a month. Anthony Hopkins is not really creepy at all as the cannibalist(is that a word?) doctor, and Julianne Moore is not Jodie Foster. I still haven't decided if that is good or bad, but she definitely is cuter than Ray Liotta's brain. I think I said too much.