February 2001

Grandpa on TV

On the Tube

It's true, Fox and Friends is beating that old idiot Imus(spell check suggested 'emus') almost every morning. While that comes as no surprise to this man, the public at large has not caught the F+F fever. It's a good fever, much better than the boogie-woogie flu or the rockin' pneumonia.

But no TV show is without its flaw. Where the Today Show has Katie (she is EVIL!) and the other shows plain stink, F+F has ManCow. ManCow is a half-wit from the mid-west (is there any other kind Man Cow must go. Look at his website, www.mancow.com and you will understand. He stinks. (Maybe Katie Couric and ManCow can start their own evil show on UPN, or TNN.)

Watch Fox and Friends and you will understand why they need no distraction. Brian, E.D., Steve, and Lauren (my favorite) should be in better company. In fact, I think they have become more comfortable in their positions on the show and in the network. I noticed, during the recent mess involving the former President, they opened up their dissent to the viewers. This is not because they are conservatives, but because they, like most people, are constantly shocked by Bill Clinton, and probably hoped the nonsense had stopped.

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Temptation Island rules! I thought it was boring; I love watching those saps torture themselves! I cannot wait for the last episode when Kaya gets killed.

I still think that FOX and E! should create 'Celebrity Temptation Island." Some one should call me. I can make it happen.

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I have worried for a long time about this: why is the cop on Law and Order, SVU allowed to interview perverts in a super-tight nipple shirt? I am shocked that the Belz or Ice-T has not questioned her mind control tactics.

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Cow and Chicken is still the best cartoon on TV today.

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The XFL is fun to watch. JR and Jerry Lawler may be the best announcers of all time. Put them in the hall of fame now!

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I have digital cable. On digital cable I have many, many channels. There is not enough programming time for shows, so the channels must fill tons of airtime with info-mercials. You can buy four different acne creams for adults and children. You can cut the fat with pans or speed or crash diets. But you can always count on Richard Simmons to be there for a good time. I love him so much. Victoria Principal is not as cool. Richard makes me want to move, grove and lose!

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The Super Bowl is supposed to be legendary for the commercials, but I think that is a media lie. This year, like years before, the commercials have been boring and about investing, and often both. Pepsi sang another pop star into my dead pool, and a monkey sold me an Internet company. Crap. The worst insult is watching old commercials during the game. If the Super Bowl is as great as they say it is, why would they show old, boring spots? I was insulted.

And just when I thought the ad spin meisters had made me too sick to eat, I saw the first anti-smoking commercial. Some silly minded people want me to feel sorry for a man and his dead wife, or some woman who is dying if lung cancer. Sure, I feel for you. I hate to think that you are in pain, but get over it! Anyone who smokes who has the flu knows how bad smoking is for you. Anyway, what is the point of having pathetic people on the TV during a happy night of drinking, overeating, gambling, and smoking? Some moron has too much tobacco settlement money, that's what!

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Am I too angry? Must be because of Futurama's terrible time slot. I do hate FOX for that.

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See you next month. Baseball is back, and hope returned to my heart.