March 2001

Grandpa on TV
On the Tube

NOTE: This past month, the local cable provider jerked me around for two weeks with "converter problems." Because of that mess, I missed the final two episodes of "Temptation Island." For that reason, I am not writing a TeeVee column this month.

This column will be dedicated to lamenting TI's missed opportunities. I read on FOX.com that none of the three remaining couples split or committed any violent crimes. Not only is this disappointing, but I am disgusted with the FOX Network for letting a show with so much potential go to waste. Sure, TI is not a ratings hit like "Survivor," but what is? Survivor is a show for dumb people, while TI is a reality program that reflects all that is potentially bad about human relationships.

As I have said in an earlier column, TI is almost a perfect show. In my opinion, it was almost
the best program in 2001 if not for the terrible outcome. You ask, what is so terrible about all the couples staying together? It is bad TeeVee. Maybe a network like CBS would have a show where boring true love blossoms, but FOX never should.

Point #1 - FOX is about cops arresting drunk wife-beaters and attacking animals!
Point #2 - FOX is about Al Bundy, Parker Lewis, and Homer Simpson!
Point #3 - FOX is about Kelly Bundy, Dylan McKay, and Bender!
Point #4 - FOX is the about that slut, Darva!

And just when I thought FOX was going to ruin the lives of eight people by putting them in a bar for three weeks with male and female prostitutes, FOX and it's drunk hookers makes love stronger. This is crap. The men should have been less faithful. The women should have cheated, too. They should have lied to each other, and been caught in the lie. The last episode should have been a Jerry Springer style slap fight with pulled hair and tossed chairs. That would have been good TeeVee.

I hate to say it, but I am glad my TeeVee was broken.

***

And just when I thought things could get no worse, Mr. Factor and Neil Cavuto get in a fight.
Way to go, FOX!

***

Turnaround IS fair play…

What you have just read would have been my column had I not been witness to the latest installment in the heated "Soup Wars." This week, on my couch, I watched Campbell's soup retaliate against Progresso, kicking its ass.

For those of you who don't know about the "Soup Wars," I will tell you. Progresso has been running ads claiming their soups are heartier than Campbell's. Not only that, by eating Campbell's Soup, an otherwise 'cool' adult looks 'young' and 'square.' Their commercials are simple, one person (friend? Or jerk?) makes fun of the person eating Campbell's soup. Campbell's is portrayed as being (1) watery and (2) baby food. The friend (jerk?) makes fun of his/her thoughtless friend, and careless 'friend.'

The lesson from the Progresso commercials is that Campbell's soup is for dump people, and Progresso is for jerks that cannot mind their own business.

This week, Campbell's struck back. In a commercial meant to inform the viewers of how tasty the Campbell's minestrone, Progresso is hit hard. The two 'friends' are eating soup for lunch, and they both are eating minestrone. The two discuss their respective minestrone's and the differences between the two. They discover that the Campbell's soup is 'better' minestrone. The Progresso soup eater is defeated! The Campbell's soup eater makes a comment about how dumb her 'friend' is, and he second round is over.

For now, all is right with the word. Thank you, Campbell's.