April 2002

Justy's TeeVee Memorandum
On The Tube

Justy's Note: This was intended for March, but I felt it was too important to ignore.

Damn it, I wish this had come to me before the February deadline. Washed up 1980s tee-vee stars have been showing up all over the tube in the past couple of years, from Gary Coleman's infrequent appearances on The Simpsons (good), to Mr. T shilling for 1-800 Collect and some other products (any Mr. T is good Mr. T). But I see the ungodliest of ungodly pairings are now working for the 10-10-220 team: Terry Bradshaw and Alf? Freaking Alf? This is unhealthy.

We all know that a little Terry Bradshaw never really hurt anyone. He's not intolerable if used in short segments, maybe less than 15 seconds or so at a clip. And yeah, he is grand with his self-deprecation, and that is good too. I am way over the whole Terry Bradshaw 10-10-220 ads, and think maybe the company needs to head in a different direction. I've just had enough of the guy.

Alf? I thought Alf was funny when I was a young lad. He was a furry puppet, and he ate cats. Hell, couldn't get much better than that in 1986, or whenever that came out. I thought I was hallucinating when I saw him on the screen in this 10-10-220 spot. Alf hanging out with Terry Bradshaw in some unholy union of a Super Bowl party? Is this Terry's idea? Did his duet with Paul McCartney push him and the world over the edge? Are we headed towards some sort of cosmic breakdown? Is there a way out? Is Mr. Smith, the genius monkey from the short-lived NBC sitcom, mixing drinks in the kitchen? Was the commercial Mr. Smith's idea?

All I'm trying to get across here is that the world is a scary place, and I fear for all of us. 10-10-220 and their apocalyptic ways need to be stopped before it is too late.

Speaking of the 80s, I'm pretty sure that "That 80s Show" sucks. I watched it a couple of weeks ago and was thoroughly underwhelmed. "That 70s Show" has the advantage of being a show that takes place in the 70s, but doesn't rely on jokes that are about the 70s. Every time I heard one of the characters on "That 80s Show" say 'Oh boy, I love the 80s!', I could swear I heard the clacking of the 100 monkeys pumping out the script.

And no, one of those monkeys was certainly not NBC's Mr. Smith.