April 2003

O'Reilly Keeps Me Informed
On the Tube

As Evil Robots has previously reported, Fox News is rampant with syphilis. Now some may say that the ensuing mental deterioration has destroyed the network, but you won't hear that from me. Yes, the number of American flags they display often make me wish I were color blind, but I can watch a little O'Reilly. He keeps me informed.

Those who know me are probably busy scraping their jaws off the floor, but it's true. I may think democrats are far too conservative, but I learn a lot from Bill O'Reilly. Just the other day Grandpa and I were watching The Factor and O'Reilly mentioned a few op-eds from the LA Times that I hadn't seen yet. I looked them right up and they were fantastic! Sure, Grandpa popped a vessel getting angry at O'Reilly's warmongering nationalistic frenzy caused by syphilis, but I just was glad to be informed about some very well-written and well-informed editorials that hadn't come into my radar yet. Thanks, O'Reilly!

Another day, O'Reilly had a late segment on stupid quotes. Essentially the aspect of each quote that earned the Stupid Label was an anti-war statement. He tried to make it fair by picking out people who were traditionally liberal as well as those who were traditionally conservative. But everyone talked bad on the war and that made them stupid. After that report, I learned that you can call famous people stupid on TV and no one cares. I also learned that you can base an allegation of stupidity on the contents of an interview on Comedy Central's Daily Show. (Readers Take Note: From this day forward, I am going to O'Reilly you with a shitload of "stupids"… in fact, your stupidity is evident just by your reading this much of my TV rant.)

Finally The Factor has taught me that TV journalism isn't very demanding. If you keep repeating the journalistic mantra "fair and balanced", the news division at your network won't rip you a new one for failing to be either fair or balanced. They'll honor you with an excellent time slot and a longer session under Bush's table at the Republicans' new Oral Office.