August 2003

TEEvee Helps Me Learn Things
On the Tube

I have been watching a fair amount of teevee lately, probably because it's either been too damn hot or too damn rainy to do much of anything else. I used to think that the teevee was more of a detriment than a positive influence, but some things I have seen of late have convinced me otherwise. I sit here today to sing the praises of teevee, and the things it has helped me learn.

1.) The Man Show. It still had some element of humor when Adam Corolla and Jimmy Kimmel were the hosts, because those guys are actually funny. Jimmy Kimmel moved on, and the show should have just died right there. Instead, "Comedy" Central brings it back with Joe Rogan and some guy. Joe freaking Rogan? This guy has never been funny! It basically turns a perverse show with a tongue-in-cheek element into an all out dumb-in. I learned that I should not watch anything with Joe Rogan.

2.) Ann Coulter. This bitch is everywhere, and totally stupid to boot. I enjoy the fact that Bill Maher puts her on his various shows to make fun of her stupid ideas and "factual" information. Anyone dumb enough to go on teevee and talk about how conservatives have better sex than liberals because of the "emotional fulfillment" should be disregarded in all areas. I learned that being on teevee alot doesn't make you any smarter than me or any of my drinking buddies.

3.) I hate Dell. Those stupid Dell interns are worse than the first Dell guy. And there are probably about 4 Dell commercials per hour on every channel on the DirecTV. I learned that Dell needs a new ad agency.

4.) Adult Swim. Most consistently wonderful block of teevee anywhere. Family Guy and Futurama are killer back-to-back. Cartoons kick ass. And props to the horribly stupid Spike TV for putting the original Ren and Stimpy on a couple nights a week. I forgot how brilliant they were.

5.) Nothing's on. Ever. Don't care how many channels I have, all the stuff I ever want to see is always on at the same time, every other time of day sucks.

So I thank you, teevee, for helping further my education. I am forever indebted to you.

Oh yeah, the Pig Roast is coming up. Can Justy drink from 12pm till 4 am? That's the big test this year. I'll have at least a day to recover. First though, Radiohead in NJ on monday night. Gonna be a long week.