It's new Tee-Vee Show time! I have been reading about all these new shows coming onto the networks this month. Wow! If I were a real columnist, my job would be to watch all these new shows and tell you about them. But, alas, I am NOT a columnist, nor am I a journalist. I have made no effort to watch any new shows on the TV. I know what I like, and I know what I am gonna like. When I want to be disappointed, I read the newspaper.

So far this month I have been able to watch two premiers, Off Centre on the WB, and The Soprano's on the HBO.

Off Centre:
Off Centre, one of my favorite new shows of last season, returned to tee-vee last week. The main guys on the show, for the purposes of this article I will call them Cliff and Reggie (the English guy), still live together and are still playing craps with their love lives. Of course, if this show was about relationships I would not watch it. This show is about makin' whoopie!

The premiere was a terrific example of how the show maximizes its comedic potential with dueling sub-plots. The two sub-plots, Cliff's breakup with his girlfriend, and Reggie's exploits with a hyper-kinky woman, could have each been made into an entire episode. But, of course, the WB is not your average network anymore. Both characters end up making similar mistakes in their approach to their respective ladies, and they both pay the price. Cliff loses his heart, while Reggie loses his ass - literally.

You see, on the surface, Reggie and Cliff appear to be different people. Cliff is nervous and a bit shy, and Reggie is confident and bold. Yet, in their weekly adventures, their deeper similarities are revealed by the way in which they ruin their lives. You need to watch it to believe it. What you get is not a rigorous psychological exposition, but it is consistently good comedy. (That, my friends, is lacking, even in the most successful (syndicated) sit-coms on tee-vee.) Week in and week out, Off Centre is the best show that no one is watching. But I hope that with the new time slot and night the show will earn more viewers. Hell, all the shows on NBC/CBS/FOX/ABC are nothing new. How many reasons do people need to watch a funny show? (What's that? Oh, be that way. You are a jerk, anyway.)

Off Centre is on the WB Thursdays at 9:30pm. This year it is NOT up against Six Feet Under or Adult Swim, so you have no excuse not to watch it.

Barfing on Tee-Vee:
On both the season premier of Off Centre and second episode of The Soprano's, at least one character barfed. I like this trend. Reggies's barf-take on Off Centre was possibly the best one I have ever seen, and that includes all the barfing I saw in High School and College.

The Wire:
HBO's super-duper cop show, The Wire, ended in September. I don't know if it can come back for another season, and I am not sure I would want it to. The Wire told a story very well, and to attempt that again would only cheapen the original. Anyway, how many different ways can you say that Baltimore's drug problem is destroying the city from the inside?

Aqua Teen Hunger Force:
Are you watching Aqua Teen Yet? If not, maybe the lyrics to the show's theme will make you watch it.
Tha Aqua Teen Hunger Force Rap by Schoolly D

my name iz...

Shake-zula
the mic rulah
the old schoolah
you wanna trip,
I'll bring it to ya

Frylock and I'm on top
rock you like a cop

Meatwad you're up next
with your knock-knock

Meatwad make the money see
Meatwad get the honeys G
Drivin in my car,
livin' like a star
Ice on my fingers and my toes
and I'm a Taurus

ha ha, check it, uh, check-check it, yeah

'cuz we are tha Aqua Teenz
make the homeys say ho
'n the girlies wanna scream

'cuz we are tha Aqua Teenz
make the homeys say ho
'n the girlies wanna scream

yeah

Aqua Teen Hunger Force
numba one in tha hood, G