November 2001

Grandpa On TV
On The Tube

Lets see…there was so much to love this month.

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The World Series on Fox (FOX) : So what if the bad guys won the series? Four of the last five games were great baseball. Sure, Tim McCarver and Joe Buck were no help, but the games transcended the commentators and the network. There is no guarantee that the World Series will be as exciting next year, though, so prepare for another butchering of the traditions of televised baseball next year.

You can always pray for FOX to smarten up and hire Bob Costas. But that will never happen.

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Simpson's Halloween Special (FOX): Another one for the books. I love the Halloween Special always because the characters get to do things to each other not possible in normal episodes. Also, the horny leprechaun was funny as all get out! I will look forward to repeats for that if nothing else!

Of course, last night, our favorite family opened their ump-teenth season with a bang. If the Halloween Special and Premier Episode are an indication of what we can expect this season, it is going to be a wild ride!

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That 70's Show (FOX): Yet another season started for this strong and getting stronger member of the Fox Tuesday Night line-up. In fact, Tuesday night has been great so far. Along with That 70's Show, Undeclared has been yucking it up with drunken parties, pretend make-out sessions and casual sex! That is the best hour of Tee-Vee comedy next to Fox's Sunday night Simpsons/Malcolm in the Middle package.

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Off Centre (WB) : I am a huge fan of this show, but many of you may have missed it because it was not only up against the World Series, Adult Swim, or you were not interested in watching a sit-com at 10pm on a Sunday night. Well, people, you better get used to the bad time slot. Us Futurama fans are suffering a not-as-terrible time slot on Sunday nights, and the show is going strong.

I am afraid that Off Centre will not get the ratings it deserves. The show has two funny leading men living the good life in NYC. Their escapades involving three-ways and porno's would be good for 6 or 8 million on a week night, but alas, someone at the WB does not care.

We need to go out there and help make this show a success. Please watch Off Centre for me, for America! Make it your patriotic sacrifice every week. You will not be sorry.

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Hockey and College B-Ball is back (ESPN): I am always excited to know that the NHL on ESPN is back - and that always happens around College Basketball time.

ESPN does a great job showing you all the great match-ups and a good amount of teams you would never see without going to their home states. They love the atmosphere and they do their research.

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Campbell's vs. Progresso (All over Tee-Vee): Here we go again. I thought the "Grow up and eat Progresso" campaign was over, but I was wrong. Progresso is out with a new batch of attack ads making people who eat Campbell's soup look like immature idiots. But Progresso fails miserably, making their supporters look like jerks who are pushy as well.

Pushy, uppity jerks.

Think about it, people. If you eat Progresso Soup, you are supporting jerks who hurt people's feelings. Do not buy Progresso Soup! Fight the power!

Campbell's wins!

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Subway vs. The World (All over Tee-Vee)
-AND-
KFC vs. The World (All over Tee-Vee)
(Who is really winning?): The fast food world is at war! Subway is on its never-ending mission to turn people onto the fresh bread and toppings available at every location. One day, Jared is talking or singing about how much weight he lost (good for him) or a mysterious guy kidnaps fast food workers and makes them eat a Subway sub.

I like the approach Subway is taking. They are trying to emphasize the differences between them an all their competition. That is great. Also, they do not try to make you feel bad for choosing the competition, they make you feel like you are missing out on something great.

KFC, on the other hand, is taking Progresso's low road to commercial jerk-dom. It is bad enough that Seinfeld-schlock, Jason Alexander, is in the adds, but they try to make you feel not like you are missing something at KFC, but that you are not Jason's friend if you do not eat at KFC.

Somehow, Jason Alexander's annoying character from Seinfeld did not die when the show went away (thank god!) It turns out that Jason Alexander cannot do any other act but "George" from Seinfeld.

So the KFC commercials make me feel sad not only for KFC, who have a perfectly good Col. Sanders collecting dust in a marketing executives desk drawer, but for Jason Alexander, that he is not dead.

(That brings me to an important point. Imagine you are on a plane with Jason Alexander, Carrot Top, Paulie Shore, Howie Mandel, Paula Poundstone and Louie Anderson, and that plane were hijacked by terrorists who planned to crash it into a building. Would you try to fight control from the terrorists or would you let the plane crash because you knew the world would be much better without those people?)

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VH1's 80's week is crap piled on shit.

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On the MTV Europe Awards Show - a girl said "Only if you bum funk me!" That is classy, Europe!

Wait, I am coming right over!

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Adult Swim (Cartoon Network): I love Sunday night because I can watch Home Movies and the Brak Show! But if I miss them, I can watch it again on Thursday. I love adult swim because it helps me keep a flexible, and it keeps me laughing.

I love you, Adult swim!