I almost always do what TEEvee tells me to. It is so rarely wrong. It has brought me such joy and fulfillment throughout my life. It has let me on the wonders of Polly-O String Cheese by telling me to get a pizza wit nuttin'. "Nuttin'?!" Sal always asks. Yes. Nothing. TEEvee has taught me that drinking beer can get me chicks. That's generally not the case, but still accept the theory. It hasn't really backfired yet. Unless you call profuse vomiting "backfiring".

Through it's wise programming TEEvee has taught me to love and to learn. TEEvee has even taught me the very act of teaching. There is nothing that TEEvee cannot do, and it is far beyond me to question it's wisdom.

But not this time. This time TEEvee has hurt me. I don't know why. I've done nothing to offend it. I buy and do what it tells me to. I listen. I love. I nurture. When it's not working, I sit up with it all night until it feels better. This is why I cannot understand why it has insisted that I hurt myself. It has hurt me.

TEEvee has told me to make 7-Up mine. I did. And unless I'm doing something wrong, it really hurts. I'm not sure what hurts more- the 7-Up, or that TEEvee has tried to hurt me so. I just don't get it. Also, when can I take it out?