On The Tube

9-29-99

Gap models vs. MGD models

Man, what is up with those singing gap ads? Are they trying to make me want to be stiff and monotone? Damn! Are they trying to keep me out of their stores? Give me the MGD kids. They laugh, they swim, they drink and drink and drink! They play table tennis, basketball, and best of all, they do not sing. MGD samples the old-school tunes. They wanna rock right now! (Oh man, I think Dawson's getting a BJ! I sure hope Joey doesn't find out.) The Gap singers are always staring at me as if I am the only person in the room who doesn't invest. I mean please! Help me here, people. While I cannot stop thinking about the song, not to mention their harmony, I don't remember what they are trying to do to me.

MGD is interested in (Dawson's running a strip-club!) selling the party in a bottle. Gap is selling boredom in a store.

MGD's dancers can be found where ever joy is poured. Gap singers flow like mud.

Do not misunderstand what I am telling you. If a commercial actor is having fun it does not mean that the product is good. Take, for example, (I think Joey found out something alright!) the Pepsi (Joy of Cola girl). She is having 'fun' and dancing a lot, but she is making me sick. She is having fun at the expense of others. People need to see honesty in the actions (Leiter got another hit! Stupid Dawson, he's gonna have sex in a boat!) of those who wish to shill. There is a beautiful honesty in the Sprint Nickel Nights commercial. Man! I want to live in a world with such a funky beat. I would call complete strangers just to let them know how groovy life was. Sprint has got it going on!

I know that the only truth on television is between the commercials (Popular? What are they thinking?). I also know that the they are trying to sell me on products I would otherwise never buy. But I want to be convinced that the world in which these products are used is full of fun and happiness. Without either of those my world would be unhappy.

You people do not want that.