December 2000

Grandpa on TV

On the Tube

Hello, fans.

Here it is, another month, and yet another ratings coup for Fox'News'! Fox and Friends, long praised in this column, surpassed the C'N'N morning programming in the November ratings. I told you so. Fox and Friends is the best morning show in the country and people are beginning to believe me! I am not the reason for F+F's high ratings, their terrific program lures in more viewers every day. Soon, E.D, Steve, and Brian (don't forget Lauren) will be creeping up on CBS. Next stop, #1!

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I do have one complaint about Fox and Friends. They bring in some morning-zoo-radio clown named "Man Cow" all the time. This guy is a moron with a following. He is broadcast out of Chicago, which means his listeners are hicks, so why is he on national TV? Let him go!

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Where is Futurama?

The East coast is still being shut out regularly by the NFL. This is still unacceptable. The real tragedy is that Futurama has been very funny. Fox must want the show to fail. They gave the P.J.'s a better time slot.

Jeez.

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VH1 has been playing 'Movies that Rock' recently. What good is a movie that rocks when it is constantly interrupted by commercials? Must be some kind of weird karmic revenge. Well, it's either that or the movies are not that good to begin with.

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While I am officially mad at Fox's NFL coverage for erasing Futurama from the east coast, I love the fighting robots!

Come hockey, come baseball, come Nascar in 2001! The Robots of Fox will duke it out before and after every commercial! Maybe it's the twelve year old in me talkin', but I love fighting robots. I love fighting robots.

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Mr. Factor kept his head high this month in the face of disreputable news coverage from the major networks and his own network. Through all the garbage, Mr. Factor and the whole O'Reilly Factor team kept the news fair and balanced, as promised. He is the best rated news man in TV, and he deserves every ratings point.

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It's winter again, and the Gap kids are dancing again!

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Have I been forgetting to mention to you that I am officially at war with Faith Hill. That redneck sang the Pepsi song with the annoying little girl during the World Series. I was going to be sick. Aretha Franklin also sang with the girl, but she did not annoy me during anything important. I hate Faith Hill. She ruined a perfect October.

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I think Jon Stewart and Mr. Factor should arm wrestle to see who has the best sarcastic grin on TV.

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The Election gave the American public another opportunity to be inundated with talking heads and gas-bags. Every 24-hour 'news' channel put morons in the box to spew their self-important ideas into America's ears. The sad, sorry aspect of the whole mess was that all the networks managed to do is solidify the polarized nation. Each half hour and Gore and would 'debate' a Bush man. By the end of the day, we all heard the same garbage eight times. By the end of each day the country got dumber. (I exclude Mr. Factor, who gave the only relief from the idiots by enforcing his 'no-spin' policy. He is, as I have been saying for two years, the best news man on TV.)

I do not know who REALLY won the Florida election. I do not really care.

The fact is that George Bush cannot do anything in eight years to ruin the country that another President, or power abusing Congress, cannot undo with prejudice.

The winners, ironically, are the polarized nit-wits who stood in the rain and wind protesting. America may not know how to count, but no sore loser, or right-wing dip fired a shot in revolution. Maybe it's that people in the United States trust the system, or maybe the people were smart enough to know that there are other, more important things, worth killing and dying for.

Hey! The shows to watch in the next month are as follows:
1: The Soprano's Season Premier
2: Oz' Season Premier
3: The O'Reilly Factor
4: Fox and Friends
5: A&E's Biography of the Year (only if it's about Elian)