January 2003

Been Thinkin' About the Future

I guess there's no good answer to what the future holds for Justy or anybody else on this little mud ball. I'm going to do my best to come up with answers for all of you all. No, better yet, I'm going to come up with fortune cookie answers for you all. Suck on this:

'The closer you seem to be, the more crappier you are.'
'Despite your most valiant efforts, you are no cooler now than you were 20 years ago.'
'Your children will be mocked daily by their peers. Being your offspring, they truly suck'
'Lady Luck will visit you at least once in your wretched life, but only to laugh at you.'

Maybe I'm not so skilled with the fortune cookie thing. That being said, those four lines should answer most any question you have about anything.

The future had better hold a few things without question: jet packs that don't burn my ass, and some sort of war between humans and robots. After the robot/human war we will totally be able to subjugate those mothers into servitude. Then we can have them go the way of the American Indian - alcoholic, ripped off by the government, and totally cheesed about the whole thing. Then we can get all sorts of awesome robot casinos where they will be able to rip us off for every penny we've taken from them. And then finally, we will be able to have a mutually fun and understanding relationship between us and them, featuring lots of booze and lots of poker. Yeah.

Actually, I'm way more psyched about jet packs. If I had a jet pack, I'd be fucking motherfuckers up all the time. I'd be all like "BLAM, BITCH! Feel my flaming hot justice!" Yeah, I would kick total ass. You all wouldn't even stand a chance.

I'm also hoping Godzilla finishes his perpetual motion machine in time for the future. We'll stand to make some major funds for the evilrobots.com conglomerate with all the energy that bitch will be kickin' out. I don't want to give too much away, but Godzilla said something about a Zippo lighter, two 16 oz beer cans, a refrigerator magnet, and Alexander Haig. Sounded like real MacGuyver shit to me. Richard Dean Anderson is now Godzilla's bitch.

I will continue to call everyone and everything 'bitch' well into the future. Bitch.

That's it. I can't think about the future too much right now or else my beer will go all warm. This beer is in the right here, and I predict pee-pee sometime in the very near future.