July 2001

If I Was Larry King, I'd…

I decided that the world just might be a better place if we all communicated just like TV icon and USA Today columnist, Larry King. Here is my first ever attempt at Larry King-nosity.

The sun is very hot...On certain occasions, I find that my balls sweat profusely...Baseballs are made of hide and string, and are hard to hit when they are thrown...The color purple is a mixture of red and blue...Lemons are tart...My pee is yellow, and my poop is generally brown...Clouds look fluffy, but they are not really fluffy at all...The movie "Pearl Harbor" is about World War II...Wayne Gretzky was an outstanding hockey player, and his wife was an actress...Does the smell of soap ever remind you of something? It reminds me of something...Swearing is fun, but I wouldn't recommend doing it in public...Tiger Woods lost at the U.S. Open, and I think you can bet his career is pretty much over...The Baltimore Orioles could win it all this year, if they win some more games...If you think being married 7 times is too much, try being married more than 7 times...The sky only looks blue, it is probably more of a greenish color...Put me on the Randall Cunningham bandwagon, I'm thinking MVP this season...$252 million dollars is quite a bit of money, and Alex Rodriguez is paid roughly that amount...Beer is made with hops, and other ingredients...I enjoy drinking milk, even on Thursday mornings...If I had to choose between living on the sun or the moon, I would have to choose the moon...If you ever get a sunburn, remind yourself to wear sunscreen the next time you go outside...Cigarettes are loaded with tobacco, and nicotine...Garlic is good for you, and makes a nice addition to Italian food...David Caruso's departure from "NYPD Blue" ruined his career, too bad...The President of the United States makes quite a bit of money, but probably not as much as the Sultan of Brunei...Mark McGwire hits home runs just about as far as anyone...After much thought on the subject, I would prefer a bagel over an english muffin...Sit-ups help maintain strong abdominal muscles...Lastly, I recently overheard a conversation while at the local movie theatre, and I decided that people who have conversations at movies are rude. Please hold off on conversing until after the film has ended, for the rest of us!

If USA Today would like to send me oodles of money to do this once a week, please advance all correspondence to londoncatfish@hotmail.com. If you are an enraged Larry King, please advance all correspondence to the Evil Robots, Inc. management.