July 2002

Damn These Cravings

What are cravings? Cravings are those feelings you get in your mind, mouth or other nerve centers of your body that are interpreted with the thought - that "I gotta get me some!" feeling. Cravings are perfectly normal. You and I are tricked into craving things every day by the media. STUFF magazine, NASCAR and Food Network (to name a few) live and die by their ability to us want things. Also, many cravings are not advertised, they are imprinted in our brains. Those cravings are most dreadful. For while one may simply turn a page, or change a channel to clear one's head, an unprovoked craving lurking in the back of your mind is much more sinister.

I am never prepared for an unprovoked craving. In fact, just the other day I was walking into a building when I reached for my work ID, and BLAM! I thought about spaghetti and meatballs from Mangia's on Main Street here in town. There I was, standing motionless on the staircase, claming my mouth shut to prevent the drool from pouring out. What the hell?

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like the stuff, but at that time in the morning I should be thinking about Cap'n Crunch, not spaghetti. I peeked over my shoulder to look at the group of people walking behind me towards the same door. (Maybe one of them smelled like spaghetti? No. They smelled like office people - bland.) No one stopped to ask me what was wrong as they passed me on the stairs. Obviously, they were busy thinking about paper and faxing and that shit.

Cravings! I must be a retard or something to be stopped dead in my tracks by the thought of the tasty, sweet and peppery spaghetti. Or am I?

Cravings? Why am I so obsessed with cravings? Well, maybe it is because I cannot control my cravings. I am not a strong man. While you may find that hard to believe, it is true.

Since I moved in with and married Bigfoot, I have been on the cravings roller coaster. You see, she is a vegetarian, and because she and I like to cook and eat together, I eat what she eats. I can't complain, really. My cholesterol is low and I have lost 20+ pounds since I got married. How many people can say that, eh? Also, Bigfoot likes mac-n-chee, French fries, beer and diner food. It's a miracle they we are not a combined 600 pounds.

Even with our collective indulgences, I am constantly craving a select few foods and items on a daily basis. Burgers, ice cream, cigarettes, various illegal narcotics, mac-n-chee, frosted flakes and coca-cola: Of that list, cigarettes are the only thing which I have quit-er-permanently. All others are being kept to a minimum.

Years ago, I quit smoking cigarettes for two reasons: a bet and I was broke. After two months I had won the bet and found a paying job, but quitting remained practical. Please, don't get me wrong, because I love cigarettes. If you have never tried, you should. I like people who smoke, and I like to be in places where people smoke. The problem I have with cigarettes is that I want them all the damn time. I could go for a cigarette right now. (I have made a promise to myself to take up smoking if I live to be 80 years old. I want to be a dirty old man that smokes at his grandkids birthday parties and in malls.)

At least once a week, I spend about eight hours in a bar surrounded by smokers. Vicariously smoking, along with actually inhaling second hand smoke, makes me happy and content. Of course, none of my other top-super cravings are as easy to satiate as smoking.

Cravings! My addiction to smoking is a pain in my ass. If I were offered a super discount on cartons of filterless Lucky Strike cigarettes, I would fall on the floor and praise the Lord for his kindness, then curse him (her…or it) for being so goddamn cruel.

Cravings? I can walk by the ice-cream section in the store without blinking an eye. I fear no two-for-one sale. I want it, but I am in control. Same goes for many other desirable items and objects. For the most part, I am able to reason away my cravings. All it takes if a quick cost/benefit analysis of something. For instance, maybe a sweet looking lady, or a sale at Tower, have emotional or monetary negatives that far outweigh any possible positives. I can clear my mind and move on - Piece of cake.

Most people deal with their cravings that way. That is part of living in civil society - limitations in exchange for countless freedoms.

All this talk about cravings brings me to a hot topic - obese people suing McDonalds and other fast food joints because they blame the companies for their own health problems. While the lawsuits have not reached a court of law yet, the fact that they are being filed at all astounds me.

I have very little sympathy for a fat person who eats McDonalds or Wendy's on a regular basis. I find it amazing that a person can think about eating a cheeseburger when they can barely reach their shoes to tie them. Before you become 100 pounds overweight, you have to be 50 pounds overweight. If you are not smart enough to notice that you are becoming a blimp, than obesity is your own damn fault.

I am a big guy - forty pounds smaller than my maximum, but still a big guy. When I was at my biggest, I made a conscious decision to lose weight. That required dieting and exercising, and being aware of he food I put in my body. This was not easy, but it was not all that hard. I was interested in being healthier, that's all.

Time and time again, I found myself at 7-11 at 2am with a Big Gulp in one hand, and nachos in the other. I love their nachos, and I would reward my good behavior with nachos - but not always. Sometimes good behavior is it's own reward.

One of the pillars of the lawsuit against the fast food industry is that they made their food addictive, or impossible to resist. But that, of course, is the goal of all the food service industry. Dole wants you to crave their bananas, Burger King wants you to crave their fries, and Ruth's Chris wants you to crave their steaks. Creating brand loyalty generates profits. That is good business. How do you think Rita's became a famous Water Ice shop in Philadelphia? Not by making a bad product, I can tell you that much.

Another complaint is that many fast food restaurants push cheap "super sized" items and inexpensive burgers. This is stranger than the first claim. Why? Well, lowering item costs in an attempt to outsell your competition is part of "free market" capitalism. Giant food does the same thing with its generic brand of mac-n-chee by selling it at 33 cents per box. Consumers want a deal as well as a meal. If McDonalds can be found responsible for a fatso's size, then so should every super market and convenience store? That doesn't make much sense, does it?

I hate to sound like an insensitive, "free-market" loving jerk, but everyone else is, so why now me? While there are many corporations in this country who should be sued for their harmful practices (let's start with anyone who makes vinyl anything), the fast food industry is not one of them. When your local factory dumps waste into your backyard, they are doing the wrong thing and should be punished. The cancer you develop is not a result of your lack of self-control. No, it's a matter of another man's disregard for your health.

So what are the fast food giants going to do? As long as they don't have secret memos similar to those of the tobacco industry that documented tampering with the product to make it more addictive than normal, they should be fine - I think. There is also the pesky fact that if the lard-ass suing McDonalds had eaten only one burger, held the cheese, and tried exercise for 30 minutes a day (per the Surgeon General's suggestions) that maybe he would be a car tire instead of a blimp.

As far as I am concerned, a case such as this is about one's control over their life style. In this life, each man and woman is in control of very few aspects of their daily life. You can't control the weather, you cannot choose your family members, you can't tell people what to do, say or think. You can, however, take care of your own body (to a point - but that's another article.) What you wear, how you wash yourself, and what you put in your body, are all under your control. Even a person on a modest budget can eat healthy and nutritious foods. What you do is a matter of self-control.

The reason that I am not a fat wad is because I made the choice to be a bit tubby. The chances of me ever being 175 pounds again are slim to none. There is room for me to lose another 20-30 pounds with only a modest diet and regular exercise. If I do not lose that weight, I have no one to blame but my damn cravings, and myself. Which reminds me, I could really go for a hamburger right about now.